I’m not very good a proper reviews. Especially when I just want to write AMAZING over and over in caps lock. So this is a rough rundown of what went through my head as I watched the film. Remember I’ve only seen it once so I may have some stuff in the wrong order or missed some fantastic bits.
(HERE BE SPOILERS)
Jesus, does every product on Earth have a Bond tie in?
Les Miserable looks worthy but dull. Jack Reacher looks awful. The Hobbit looks awful. Actually, all these films look terrible.
The new MGM logo’s ridiculously over-animated.
No gun barrel? AGAIN?
Oh, so the missing hard drive is right here in the film? Didn’t know that would happen.
This is building up nicely.
Liking Eve. Good bit of banter with the wing mirrors.
A sadistic part of me wishes Bond had punched a bloke to get at that motorcycle.
Motorbikes on the rooftops is good.
Imagine one motorbike coming through the window, then, just when you’ve recovered, another one pops up.
That’s a fair amount of carnage on that bridge. Did Eve cause all that?
Why doesn’t Patrice just run away, instead of standing around on the back of a train shooting at Bond?
Loving the carnage caused by the digger.
“I think it was a VW Beetle.” Ha! Though a part of me suspects VW paid an enormous amount of money for that line.
The cufflink adjustment? Amazing. Obviously.
This train fight is bringing back happy memories of Octopussy. ”MISHKA!”
Stop gassing and fire the bloody gun, woman.
Ok, Danny Kleinman’s finally gone insane.
Will have to see if the text of M’s obituary is the same as in You Only Live Twice, Would be nice if it was.
Is there any need for a London MI6 caption? And shouldn’t it be MI6, London?
Dame Judi meets the Sex Pistols.
I think the whole cinema just bounced in the air about twelve feet when MI6 exploded.
Is that the entire extent of that Greek girl’s part? Wow. Talk about bigging yourself up. She’ll be at an autograph festival in Milton Keynes within the month.
I wonder if that scorpion is real or CGI.
Is this meant to be in Turkey? The music seems sort of African.
CNN. Thank God it’s not Sky.
I wonder what happened to M’s nifty apartment from Casino Royale. And Mr M, for that matter.
Dame Judi has such a potty mouth.
I’ve been past that ramp in Spitalfields! I know where that is!
Well, they managed to build all this very quickly, didn’t they? Can you fit the whole of MI6 in one room?
Eve is here for the transition? Hmm. Maybe she is going to be Moneypenny after all.
Has anyone actually mentioned her name yet?
All this Tanner chatting to Bond while he works out is a bit homoerotic.
Rory Kinnear has lost a bit of weight since Quantum of Solace. I definitely would. Though I would worry that halfway through sex with him the image of Roy Kinnear would enter my head and put me off my stride.
Alright Q is funny and clever.
No need to be rude about exploding pens.
Is there any need for a Shanghai caption?
That pool’s in Canary Wharf, you big cheats.
I love all this neon.
Didn’t expect the spring up onto the bottom of the lift. Brilliant.
This must be the first stealth sequence in a room full of glass walls.
This silhouetted fight is FANTASTIC.
Really wanted to shout “PYRAMIDS!” when Patrice fell off the building then.
Ah, an explanation for that 1 YouTube view.
More banter with Eve. She’s very good at it. Definitely Moneypenny.
I wonder if that barge has a seat on it. I don’t think I’d be able to stand up in case I fell in the water, no matter how dramatic it looked.
Komodo Dragon’s a nice touch.
Ah, I just realised what the chip is for. Makes sense now.
Euros? Sticking with the Quantum of Solace idea that they’re better than dollars, are we?
Severine is gorgeous.
And she can act. I was worried she’d be the weak link but she’s great.
Best girlfriend in distress since Andrea Anders.
Like the raising of the glass to the men.
Assault with a deadly briefcase.
Do Komodo Dragons attack like that? I thought they bit you and then waited for you to die of poison or something?
Maybe it’s not a Komodo Dragon.
He’s just giving Eve all the money? I hope she donates it to the Blue Cross (GOLDFINGER GAG).
If someone snuck up behind me in the shower, I doubt I’d be quite so calm.
This is very pretty.
Would people just clear off an island because the computer told them to? Wouldn’t they, you know, check? Send in men in hazmat suits or something?
Love Silva’s introduction.
Love Javier Bardem in general, actually.
LOL GAY. Not a criticism.
“What makes you think it’s my first time?” Clever avoidance of gay disgust issues there.
Oh dear. Severine’s going to die, isn’t she?
Poor girl. Though I did like the way Silva “won”.
Gadget saves the day! Win!
Wait: so in the emergency rebuild of MI6, they also built this fancy glass wall that turns opaque at the push of a button, and a glass Hannibal Lecter prison? I bet they prioritised that over some far more important things. I bet there’s only one cubicle in the ladies’ loo.
How’s he going to get out of here?
No such place as Gainsborough Road tube station.
Ah, so that’s how he’s going to get out.
That’s not Temple. That’s Charing Cross Jubilee Line.
This stuff with the Tube driver’s very good. I like the additional humour in the film. Craig’s so much more relaxed.
Ha! at the idea that you can just wander down the carriage of a rush hour Tube train. Those buggers wouldn’t let you past for anything.
That’s not Embankment. That’s Charing Cross Jubilee Line again.
It would have been funny if they’d left all those “please stand on the right” signs on the escalator as they slid down. “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.”
That crashing Tube train gave me a flashback to when they dropped a tram on Coronation Street.
Is it sadistic of me that I would have preferred a train full of people to come smashing through? That Silva killed a couple of hundred people because he’s just that evil?
Who are all these henchmen? Where are they coming from?
“My late husband.” Poor Mr M.
Hard to concentrate on a poem during a tense action sequence.
Raging gun battles would certainly liven up BBC Parliament.
Eve’s not going to turn out to be a baddie, is she?
Shooting the fire extinguishers. Very FPS.
I like Silva just going off in a huff.
Poor Tanner. How do you get a cab to a top secret hideout?
Nobody does sarcasm like Dame Judi.
Ejector seat button! HA. Though wait: that means this is the Aston Martin from Goldfinger, not the one he won in Casino Royale. Which is the one that Q gave to Sean Connery, which hasn’t happened. Or has it? So where does Skyfall fit in the timeline? Are Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace set before Dr No, and now Skyfall’s after Die Another Day? QUESTIONS.
SCOTLAND in big letters across the map. Alex Salmond will like that.
Ah, Skyfall’s a house. I wonder if they came up with the Bondian title and then tried to find a way to shove it into the film.
I forgot Albert Finney was even in this.
It’s like the end of A Nightmare on Elm Street! Will they just turn their back on Silva and he’ll disappear?
I WONDER IF THAT PRIEST HOLE WILL BE RELEVANT.
Kincaid telling Bond about his parents dying is a bit Alfred/Bruce Wayne. Whither Aunt Charmian?
Loving the use of the Aston Martin’s guns. LOVING IT.
Dame Judi’s firing a gun! She’s not very good.
I love the way the action sequences just grow out of the film; it builds up to the violence, rather than it just being “here’s a car chase”.
When will people learn not to keep gas canisters in the house?
Now THAT is a decent explosion. Bravo.
Is Silva going to drown under an icy lake? That would be an interesting way for him to go.
Apparently random henchman is going to drown under an icy lake. After being throttled with a leg. That’s a bit weird.
Andrew Bond and Monique Delacroix Bond!!!
M’s going to die. The only question is “how”.
Two heads, one bullet. Actually tense.
Should have realised that hunting knife would turn up.
Kincaid should have died.
Are those tears dripping off Bond’s nose, or icy drops of water? He must be freezing. And they’ve blown his car up. How’s he going to get back to civilisation?
Standing on a rooftop looking moody. Very Captain Jack Harkness.
It’s going to be that bulldog, isn’t it?
He should have thrown it in the air and shot it.
She IS Moneypenny! Damn you tabloids for ruining the surprise! And Kate Westbrook’s going to be annoyed they didn’t make Jane canon.
PADDED DOOR! PADDED DOOR TO M’S OFFICE!
M’S OFFICE! IT’S ALL WOOD PANELS AGAIN!
NEW M! AND THIS TIME, HE’S VOLDEMORT!
The gun barrel AT LAST. Though it’s that shiny one from Quantum of Solace. Where are those zig zaggy bits in the top left corner?
50th anniversary logo. Awwwww.
That was bloody marvellous. It was epic and intimate; it hit all the right notes; it was fun. Uniformly brilliant performances. And Daniel Craig is just amazing. Bring on Bond 24. Like, now.
Can I see it again please?
Founder of the Wint & Kidd Appreciation Society.@merseytart