New Fan Fic

James Bond
in
Life Before Death.
I
A nice morning in Blackpool, England. There is a yacht just sailing on shore. James Bond is on holiday. And is that what I think we see? Yes! It’s our hero in black shades wearing an Orange Hawaiian T-Shirt, and Tan shorts. What’s this we also see? Why, he’s kissing a girl! Her name is Lisa. But her name isn’t mentioned in any quotes in this story. Her long, black hair is just being blown by the wind. She is too in love to care. They both share the sunlight. James Bond’s watch rings. Bond presses the first button on his left side to answer. “Morning, 007.” It’s M. “I don’t know what you are doing, but you will have to put that aside. An Israeli man name Joseph Van Schoufel is threatening to blow the prime minister’s office wide open. According to a contact of ours, there is someone else working with him. You have got to stop them. They are in a white helicopter. With the letters R-E-S-T.” “Rest.” Bond says “In peace.” “Goodness M! There they are!” Bond presses another button on the right side of his many buttons on the watch. It is like Goldeneye’s piton gun that attaches him to the helicopter. The blades are going at many miles per hour. Bond ducks to avoid sleeping with the fishes. Bond opens the helicopter door and lays a punch on Van Schoufel. A man with Red hair, and beard. Glasses, and slightly chubby. He’s the only one there besides the pilot. “Faster! Faster!” screams Van Schoufel. “Get this lunatic away from me!” Van Schoufel shoves Bond away from him. His hand is hanging on for dear life to the bar. Bond climbs up with his Walther PPK attached to his weapon belt. Bond shoots the helicopter. Bond then stabs Van Schoufel in the leg. “You idiot!” Van Schoufel shouts toward the pilot. We’ve lost control. What can you do? Please tell me something!” he says in a panicking voice. “Sir, we’ve lost control of the plane.” “Nooooooooo!” Bond is still on “This is life before death. Have an explosive ending.” He uses his watch tool as mentioned before to get back to the yacht. Everyone was watching. The helicopter crashes into the ocean a few hundred feet away from the yacht. They applaud Bond. He saves the day again.




II






James Bond enters M’s office, and closes the door behind him. “Well done, 007. “Thank You, Sir.” “Now, we just need the rest of the job done.” M lights a pipe, and puts his feet up on his desk. “Miss Moneypenny, would you please send him in?” A normal height bald man with glasses comes in. “Morning, sir.” Bond says as he extends his hand. The two shake. “007, this is your contact, Peter Osterland.” “It will be a pleasure to work with you, James. You will be going after the man Van Schoufel worked with. His name is Krauss Smits. A man of German and Dutch descent. Moved to Israel in 1989. I’ve been working undercover for him. He is the head of a synagogue. He’ll be running a telethon soon in Israel. He wants to raise money to find a cure for cancer. Quite the contrary. He wants to really raise money to invest in chemical poisoning and poison the Germans for their Nazi attacks in WWII on the Jews.” “I think I have it underway. “Stop at Q’s, 007.”




“Yes, III

“Morning Q.” “Morning 007. Q walks around in his grey suit and black tie. “This way, please.” Bond and Osterland walk towards Q. “A new BMW Z IX” It was all black. “Steel windows, 300 horsepower, and an excellent accuracy systems with the torpedo’s on the front.” Bond, for once, is impressed with all of this. Q pulls out a clicker, and opens the garage door inside his lab. Outside, hundreds of feet away, is a dummy. Q’s presses the inside button for the car, and the torpedoes hit the dummy. Blown into shreds. “A smart person wouldn’t end up like that.” “That’s not funny, 007. Also, here is your new gun. A Blackhawk Magnum. Powerful, but slow. I expect this returned in pristine condition....and.... 007! Are you paying any attention?” Bond was actually listening to a Jethro Tull song in his head. Q, I follow.” “Excellent. You and Mr. Osterland will need all the luck in the world.” “With James Bond...there 100% skill, 0% luck”




IV

A long drive, but Bond and Osterland made it to Israel. With help they would find the directions to the synagogue. Bond pulled the handle of the door, and walked in. He walked up to the platform . Looking around at the glass walls of religious characters. Admiring them. Then, a man stepped forward from another room. “Are you here to say your prayers?” he asked Bond walked forward “No.” Bond, not being merciful, grabbed his collar “But you better start saying them if you don’t give me information.” “Ok! Ok! Let me go.” Bond shoved him back releasing him. “Now, tell me what’s on your mind.” “Krauss Smits.” “What about him? You want to meet him? No can do.” Bond pulled his gun. “Ok, he is always at this Italian restaurant. It’s called Eating De La Italia. Down the street.” “Thanks.” said an unrested Bond. He walked out. The man had never been so intimidated in his life. “Crazy Brit.” Bond opened his driver door and got in. “What did you find out?” “He is at this Eat de la Italia.” “Ah yes, he is there a lot. I would know. I have seen him. I best come with. So he doesn’t get suspicious.” “Good idea.” Bond turned the key into the ignition. Peter exclaims quick. “Look out James! A man from the synagogue has a lead pipe!” It was the same man Bond confronted just moments earlier. He swung at Bond’s glass window. Hitting the glass, but not Bond. This was enough to anger Bond. He slammed his door in rage. The man swung, but Bond grabbed it, and shoved him back. Bond grabbed the pipe, kicked him, and beat the man to death with the pipe. “He led a terrible life.”





V

Osterland and Bond stepped out of the car. “One more thing James.” “What is that?” “He owns the place.” “Is there anything in Israel the man doesn’t own?” The two walked into the restaurant. They saw Smits eating in the garden. “Exquisite” said Smits commenting on his meal. “I have hired quite some talented cooks.” Osterland approached Smits. He went before Bond. “Peter- hello.” “Hello, Boss.” “I see you have brought an associate with you.” “Indeed I have sir. This is James Bond. A journalist for The London Times.” “Interesting” said Smits. “What brings you here?” “Sir, it is to the best of my knowledge that you are running a telethon this weekend about a cure for cancer. What can you tell us?” Smits did his best to conceal it, but he was not too happy that Bond was present. “Mr. Bond, I hope you don’t consider this a negative first impression, but everything you need to know, I will tell you this weekend. It runs from Friday to Sunday on channel 6. I strongly encourage you to watch it. Would you care to join me for something to eat? There are a lot of tempting dishes here.” “No, thank you.” “Very well, then. I hope you watch my telethon, and make a pledge.” “It would be a very shame if we never saw each other again, Mr. Smits” mumbled Bond. The two shook hands, and Bond exited. Osterland was about to follow. “Peter!” cried Smits softly. “He is a very suspicious journalist. I want you to look further into him.” “Yes, sir.”






VI

Bond and Osterland drove to where Smits was. They both got out of the car. Peter walked first. To avoid getting on Smits’ trail. “Mr. Smits,” said Peter “This is James Bond. An Israeli journalist.” “What a pleasure it is to meet you, Mr. Bond.” “The same goes for me. Your telethon intrigues me. And I have been instructed to ask you about it.” “My wife died of lung cancer. I, like many others, are trying to find a cure for cancer. My telethon has every intention of raising money for those with cancer. My word of advice is, you can’t resurrect, but you can avoid dying early.” “Very good.” said Bond in a not so obvious sarcastic manner. “I’ll publish that in our paper for sure.” “Be sure to mention, that we will be on there tomorrow night. Saturday, and closing it out on Sunday.” “Will do. Thank you for your time, Mr. Smits.” Bond shook hands with him. Then, Bond left the sight, where Osterland stayed. “Peter, please watch this Mr. Bond a little closer, will you?” As Smits said that leaning towards Peter in a soft spoken manner. “These are two more of my assistants, Ms. Dorothy Keane, and Dr. Derrick Harp.” Keane was an average height skinny woman who was a brunette, and dependant on God. Harp had a degree in medicine and was obsessed with giving out medicine.

VII

The day of the telethon came, it was Friday. In a luxurious hotel. As Krauss Smits made his television announcement. There was lots of advertisements. During the middle of the broadcast, Smits walked towards center stage wearing a tuxedo, turning his head face right into the camera. “Thank You very much.” Commenting on one’s donation for a sum of money. “This will benefit those for sure. Up next, is a touching story. A friend of mine talking about his experiences with the killer disease of cancer.” The segment lasted about 5 minutes. “Well, I must get to bed.” Smits said “But before I go, I must thank all of you so far, and my assistants will take over.”



Heh, stupid people, they’ll believe anything.” I looked over my right shoulder n VIII

This chapter is told in first person by Peter Osterland. I woke up the next day sharing a room with Mr. Smits. Yeah, he paid me well, but my real side was with Bond. I really didn’t want to do this, but I did. Maybe after the whole thing is over I can finally tell him how I feel about him. He’s a very powerful human being. Anyway, I had just taken a shower, and put on a pair of dress pants, and a casual red shirt. Krauss was still asleep as I knew it. I walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. The usual stuff, you know- bacon, eggs, pancakes, etc. Krauss had a navy blue robe. “Good morning.” He said. “Good morning, sir.” I responded back. He had the newspaper in his hand, and had just put on his glasses. Things were quiet for the next few minutes. Then, he decided to speak “I checked our ratings of last night’s telethon, and they are through the roof. Heh, stupid people, they’ll believe anything” I did not say anything while I was looking over my right shoulder looking at him while flipping eggs for the two of us. “Here is your breakfast, sir.” I said. I had just set down the plate. “Oh, Peter.” he said “Yes, sir?” “Umm, give me a cup of coffee, would you? Cream is the preference.” “I’m right on it, sir.” I made the man his coffee, and finished up breakfast. “Sir, I have plans, I will see you tonight before the telethon.” I knocked on James’ door. “Come in, he said.” He wasn’t dressed either. He had a pair of sky blue shorts on. He poured me a shot, and we drank to it. We discussed a plan.



IX


Osterland and Bond had discussed their plan. They were going to break communications to the broadcast and mess up the telethon. They had a cheers to that. “As the right hand man of Krauss, I have access to anything and everything that he owns. No one will be suspicious of this. We cut off his microphone, and turn off the lights.” “Excellent plan.” Bond said.


IX

There was a few hours before the telethon. Bond finally met Ms. Keane at a bar. “May I get you a drink, Ms..?” “Keane.” She said softly. “I’d be delighted.” “Good.” Bond said. “May I take your order, sir?” The bartender asked. “Yes, please, I will have a shot of Smirnoff please.” “I, the lady, will have the same.” They had a cheers t that and drank up. “I usually don’t drink that much, she said.” I should only drink wine like Jesus did. However, it’s good for the occasion. I follow strongly what my beliefs tell me.” “Yes” Bond turned his head smiling. “Lovely.” She grinned. “Umm, Ms. Keane” He took a breath “Did anyone tell you” He paused “You look stunning, tonight?” “Why, thank you....” “Commander James Bond at your service. Or, I used to be a commander, now I’m a reporter for the Israeli Press.” “God always said to follow your dreams, you seem to be doing that Mr. Bond.” “Call me James.”


X


“Welcome back to another night of the telethon everybody, I’m Krauss Smits” The telepromter was slowly moving. “James!” Peter cried out “You stay here! I’m going to the audio room!” He whispered slowly. He ran up the stairs to the booth. Just like Tomorrow Never Dies, the room was soundproof. Osterland had a key, and punched the guy out cold. He then pressed the button that would have a pain in Smits ear. He was aching on stage. Osterland and Bond had walkie talkies “James!” he said “Cut the camera wires.” He did. And there was a blackout. “What’s going on?” Smits asked “WHAT IS GOING ON?!?” The crows gasped appalled at his screaming. “I’m sorry, folks, I’m just having a mental breakdown.” He put his hand on his face, and began to breathe. “PETER!!! WHERE’S PETER??” Peter rushed here. “You’re fired!” He said out of breath. “Security, get this man into the back of my car!” He turned around “Bond!” Smits eyes searched the place “This can’t be!” He paused again “My mistress! Dorothy! With Bond! Security, get all three with the back of my van. Let’s go, Harp!” He had an evil grin with some medicine in his left hand. A security guard rushed for Krauss “Sir!” “Yes?” “Sir, the money is being delivered to a chemical facility in Prague, they have the poison chemicals, and will deliver to your factory in Jerusalem.” “EXCELLENT!” The crowd still there, and shocked.




X

Smits layer was in Jerusalem. Keane, Bond, and Osterland were in big trouble. All with a security guard wielding a devastating AK74SU a piece. “You three are pathetic!” Smits said, looking over them on a high platform with his only henchman left, Dr. Harp. “Ok, Smits” Bond talked loudly looking up. “I know everything you got. How much do you want?” Smits looked at Dr. Harp, and they both started to laugh. “Want? Want, Mr. Bond?” he said in a very psychotic voice “Allow me to educate you on who Krauss Smits is.” He cleared his throat “He doesn’t just throw his arms up in the air, and accept any deal he gets thrown his way. No. No. No.” The three looked at each other. “Instead.” He said “He likes to TORMENT PEOPLE with PAIN, and PLEASURE!!!” He paused between the Pain and and. Also, the Pleasure was said very slowly, but loud. I have my chemicals. “Dr. Harp, would you please set the timer to a half an hour?” “Certainly, sir.” He spoke. His voice sounds very boring and irritating. Like a dull voice. “You see...” He paused “Mr. Bond” He smiled “I have a machine that Dr. Harp is programming. 30 minutes from now, my poison will strike all across Germany, causing them to die out.” “This is not good.” Osterland spoke. Keane began to say her prayers. The guards locked them in another room. One guard had planted a bomb in a room that featured all three. The bomb was timed for 15:00. Guards surrounded Smits everywhere. Osterland and Bond began to discuss. “What do we do?” Asked Keane. “If we die, I finally found God, but I don’t want to, not yet. As he is breaking one of the commandments.” “He’s breaking, many, of the commandments, I’m afraid, dear.” Bond said. “Hmm, I got it!” There was a vent way up high in the room. All three figured out a way to get this far. Finally, as 1:00 began to tick, Bond used his watch to maneuver himself up there. He used his watch as another gadget to saw the vent down. “COME ON!” 15 seconds remaining. All three grabbed hands. As they all snuck up the vent. “3...2....1..” BOOM! Keane, and Bond were crawling, Osterland accidentally had his hand fall apart from Keane. “Dear God,” Keane stated “Please bless this being for all he did on” “NO TIME TO LOSE!!” Shouted Bond “Would you stop praying already? We have the world to save!” They crawled across, to the vent in which they were above the room Smits was. “That’s it.” Smits was standing around giving orders to about 20 guards. There was a ramp after getting out of the vent. Like a pole. On the ramp, Bond saw a solid chain hanging above. Bond decided to move back, and push the chain all the way to knock the guards standing by Krauss off the platform. “What was that?” he wondered He looked up “Bond!” The men fired their guns, they all missed, causing Bond and Keane to jump off the platform, as they fought a few guards at a time. The Guards from Bond came towards him, and he stopped them by tugging both of their shirts and butting their heads into one another. Ms. Keane just focused on the kicks. 15 minutes remaining. “Oh, very good, Mr. Bond, sadly, your death is coming soon.” said Smits. “Sadly, it’s not.” “Dr. Harp, get down there, and fight them at once!” “Yes sir!” Dr. Harp got down to where Bond was standing. “Your time is up, Mr. Bond.” They met closer to one another. He kicked Bond, and began to strangle him with his stethoscope. Bond gasped and choked. At Bond’s request, Keane had stayed out, until she found a 2X4 around, and snuck up on Dr. Harp, and hit him in the back. He turned around, eyes open big. Bond got up on one knee, and punched Harp by turning him around. Then again, then again. Ms. Keane gave him one for good measured, as Bond ordered her to strangle him to death with the stethoscope. She did. Then, it was one final battle. Smits vs Bond. 7 minutes remaining “You see Mr. Bond. I have more machines. Down there!” He used the ultra keyboard that controlled the poison and activated the machine blades. Bond ran towards Smits, and began to choke him against the keyboard. Smits fought back though by pushing him off, causing Bond to fall down. Smits grabbed a fire extinguisher, hoping Bond would lose eye sight and fall. He began to spray it, Bond could not see. He almost fell off actually, until Keane pulled his hand when he was just over the railing. Bond survived, but could not see that well. He did see that Smits tried to attack him with the extinguisher. He punched Smits and he dropped it. Smits held his jaw, but punched back Bond. Bond ducked down, and tripped Smits. “Welcome to Life Before Death, Mr. Bond.” He grabbed the extinguisher again, and raised it up, Bond punched Smits stomach, and fell off the cliff into the machine. “Welcome to life after it.” He breathed. “Come on Dorothy! No time to lose!” They rushed over to the keyboard. “So many buttons, so many buttons.” She said “God, I need you more than...” “GOD CAN’T HELP YOU IN THIS CASE!!!” “Who can?” “Your gut reaction. I know there is a button on here somewhere.” 60 seconds remained. Eventually, it came to thirty, and fifteen. Then, finally, Dorothy had made up her mind, and pressed a button on the far upper left, success! Somehow the world was saved as it pays to take risks.



XI

The aftermath of almost all this what could have been fatal tragedy. Bond and Keane were on a beach. Kissing under the sun. They decided to splash each other in the water. A helicopter flew over. A black helicopter- the media. “Attention James Bond! Attention James Bond!” “Oh no, he said. What do you suppose we do?” “I know” she said. They hid underwater until they went away. They kissed again. “I guess God does exist, since he wanted us to do that.”
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