Wierd-Al Style Food Parodies

Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
Yall got a kick out of my post on the "Connery is a fatass" thread, so this thread is dedicated to rewriting the lyrics of the Bond songs, but with food.

You Know My Weight

If you take too many free donuts, you know what you'll get
Odds are your doctor won't like what it is
When I get fat, would my wife wanna be seen with me?
By merciless Atkins I've been decieved

I've seen people's bellies wider than their height
But you are nothing so divine
Just eat cake and wiiiiiiine!

Scarf yourself because no one else will feed you
The nutrition labels will betray you - fat will overtake you
And all that junk food will never fulfill you
It longs to kill you - are you willing to die
The clumpiest fat clogs through my veins
You know my weight!!

If you come inside this buffet, it won't be the same
When you return home at night
If you think you're fit, you've never seen the scale change
Obesity is the game we're playing

I've seen plates cleared by the fatter men
Than you yourself but if you must pretend
Your belly will disteeeend!

Scarf yourself because no one else will feed you
The nutrition labels will betray you - fat will overtake you
And all that junk food will never fulfill you
It longs to kill you - are you willing to die
The clumpiest fat clogs through my veins
You know my weight!!

You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!
You know my weight!!
«1

Comments

  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,406MI6 Agent
    I do know that Weird Al had written a Parody of Cartney's LIve and Let Die, called chicken Pot Pie. However Paul's a vegetarian, and didn't like the song. :))
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    edited January 2015
    Another Way to Fry

    Another food joint with chicken fingers for her fatter neice
    Another one with a hungry tongue - veggie poison fantasies
    Another bill from a waiter, turned a feast to a tragedy

    Yeah! Buffet doors open - a woman walked by
    A drop of oil, as I looked at her fries
    A phone on the table - 911 operator on the side
    If cheese burgers you think you can trust
    It's just another way to fry!

    Another tricky little bun with Cinnamon syrup
    That will never see the sun shine
    Another inch of your life sacrificed by Burger King - in the nick of time
    Another dirty money, sent from hungry fatties eating on a dime

    Another girl with her finger on the nuggets
    Ronald's singing to you what you wanna hear
    Another lawsuit thrown down in surrender - took away your beer
    Another man standing there looking at how fat he got in the mirror

    Yeah! Buffet doors open - a woman walked by
    A drop of oil, as I looked at her fries
    A phone on the table - 911 operator on the side
    If cheese burgers you think you can trust
    It's just another way to fry!

    Just another way to fry!
    Hey! Yeah!
    Just another way to fry!
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Insulin Fall

    This is the end
    Hold your breath and count to ten
    Feel your belly jiggle and then
    Hear my heart burst again

    For this is the end
    I've drowned in fat for this moment
    McDonald's, I owe them
    This cake I ate is stolen

    Let the insulin fall
    Cookies crumble!
    We will sit down
    And eat it all
    Together!

    Insulin fall is where heart attacks start
    Thousands of McDonalds' apart
    Where our arteries clog and days are dark
    You may have my salad
    You can take my carrots
    But you'll never have my tart!

    Let the insulin fall
    Cookies crumble!
    We will sit down
    And eat it all
    Together!

    Where you eat I eat
    What you see I see
    I know I'd never be skinny
    Without the security
    Of your loving Atkins
    To keep me from fattenin'
    Put your food in my hand
    And we'll stand!

    Let the insulin fall
    Cookies crumble!
    We will sit down
    And eat it all
    Together!
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,406MI6 Agent
    Where do you think of this sorta stuff, bro?
    {[]
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    I wanted to do For Your Fries Only but I realized I was parodying the Blondie version and not the Sheena Easton version.

    It's a shame because the song began with "I see you behind my shoulder - I'm trying to read". I could've spun that into "I'm trying to eat" and make it a story about a guy who tries to steal a woman's fries.
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Meatball (parody of Thunderball)

    He always sits while others walk
    He stuffs his face while other men talk
    He looks at the menu, and wants it all
    And hunger strikes! MEEEAAATTBALLL!!

    McDonald's is the meaning of success
    His hunger is more so the other eat less
    They call him the winner who eats all
    Then hunger strikes! MEEEAATTBALLL!!

    Any dessert he wants, he'll get
    He'll break any scale without regret
    His days of fasting are all gone
    His fight with the bulge goes on and on
    But he thinks this spaghetti is worth it all
    So, hunger strikes! MEEEAATBALLL!!
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Where do you think of this sorta stuff, bro?
    {[]

    I used to write a lot of rap songs in high school, and I wrote a lot of poems in college. So, words just flow naturally for me.
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Never Say "Lose Weight" Again

    I walk in a room,
    A woman sees my belly
    Looks are not a guarentee
    But I haven't got laid in weeks
    Cuz my stomach has grown
    But the more I hear
    Forget about her plans
    This fat man has his own

    Got mixed up with a society who said lose weight
    It's really hard work, but then
    This fat woman might date me
    And make me never say "lose weight" again

    Never, never say "lose weight" again
    Never, never say "lose weight" again
    Never, never say "lose weight" again
    Never, never say "lose weight" again

    I've got all the moves
    But, baby, I'm so fat I moo
    No matter my personality or mood
    For me, you won't come through
    The touch of your voice
    The feel of your eyes on me
    But my weight leaves you no choice
    Though I know there's health risks there
    I don't care - Just let it be

    To get it down with a man who never loses weight
    Might not have a future, but then
    You could just be the woman to reach me
    And teach me to never say "lose weight" again

    I'll beg you (for food).
    I'll get you (nude).
    I'll take you (to McDonalds).
    I'll make you (fat too).
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    You Only Exercised Twice

    You only exercised twice - or so it seems
    One exercise for real - the other in your dreams

    You drift through the years with weight gain
    Till one letter appears - and Jenny Craig is its name

    Fitness is a stranger that will cheer you on
    Think of the health dangers or the workout is done

    This boston kreme is for you - Now pay the price
    I hope your resolution comes true
    But you only exercised twice
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    All The Time High

    All I wanted was a snack, but I've been eating for an hour or two
    Had no intentions eating the things I ate for fun
    Funny how it always goes with food - When you don't look, I get high
    The munchies aren't so kind - I can't move, for one

    We're all the time high
    I'll eat like I never ate before
    I like eating so much more than love
    We're all the time high,
    We'll take the hotdog challenge and win
    So hold on tight ; let the food fight begin

    I don't want to waste a single pastry ; I don't want to sleep
    I'm breathing so strong and deep - and so are you
    In my time I've said these words before - but now I realize
    My heart is beating and I'm high - for you that's true too

    So hold on tight ; let the food fight begin
    We're all the time high
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Like Suzuki mentioned above, Wierd Al did do a parody of Live and Let Die. It was genius. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ-VHKQ0bsY

    Now, my turn.

    Live and Lets Eat

    When you were young and your stomach was an open pit
    You used to say you loved fast food
    You know you did
    You know you did
    You know you did
    But in this ever changing world in which we're living
    Gluten free makes me scream...
    Say live and let's eat!!

    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!

    What does it matter to ya
    You got a fitness plan, do tell
    I know you're doing it well
    But for this fellow, it's hell

    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!
    Live and let's eat!!
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    The Buffet Is Not Enough

    I know how to eat
    I know how to drink
    I know that I'm fat
    Don't care what you think
    I know when to talk
    And I know when to chew
    No one will die from eating some franks

    The BUFFET is not enough
    But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
    And if you're STARVING enough
    Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love

    People like us
    Know how to feast
    There's no point in living
    If you can't have some quiche
    We know when to engorge
    But not when to stop
    Either we'll eat it all
    Or our bellies will pop

    The BUFFET is not enough
    But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
    And if you're STARVING enough
    Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love

    I feel full
    I feel hungry
    I feel ready
    And yet under-fed

    The BUFFET is not enough
    But it is such a perfect place to EAT...my love
    And if you're STARVING enough
    Together we can CLEAN IT OUT...my love
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Junk Food Never Dies

    Darling, I'm stuffed
    Grease puddle on the floor,
    Waiting for your return

    Oh, what a thrill,
    Festivations galore,
    How you tease
    How you leave me to fatten.
    Chips are so deadly, my dear,
    But the fat goes straight to my rear

    Until that day
    Until Hostess falls away
    Until you say there'll be no more good pies
    I see it in your fries
    Junk food never dies

    Ronald, you've won,
    It's no fun,
    Big Macs with sesame buns
    It's murder on our weight loss affair
    But you bet your life, every night
    While you're chasing new profits in sight
    You're not the only food joint out there.
    Candy's so deadly, my dear
    I feel like a heart attack is near

    Until that day
    Until Hostess falls away
    Until you say there'll be no more good pies
    I see it in your fries
    Junk food never dies
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Diet Another Day

    Should I eat this - yes or no
    Or maybe I'll have some part of it
    I'm gonna keep my cheat meal secret
    I'm gonna close my mouth right now

    I guess I'll diet another day
    I guess I'll diet another day
    Another day!
    Another day!

    Ronald McDonald!
    Super-size this!
    Super-size this!
    Super-size this!

    I'm gonna break the cycle
    I'm gonna shake up some whey and milk
    I'm gonna destroy my Twinkie reserves
    I'm gonna put my ****ing fork down

    I think I'll find another way
    There's so much food to eat
    I guess I'll diet another day
    It's not my time to lose weight

    For every sin, I'll have to weigh
    McDonald's Playhouse - i want to play
    I think I'll find another way
    It's not my time to go

    I'm gonna avoid the crem brulee
    I'm gonna suspend my senses
    I'm gonna delay my pleasure
    I'm gonna close my mouth now

    I guess I'll diet another day
    I guess I'll diet another day
    Another day!
    Another day!

    It's not my time to go!
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Man with the Golden Twinkie

    He has a powerful weapon
    He charges $1.90 a box
    An assassin that makes sure you're not skinny
    The man with the golden Twinkie

    Lurking in some darkened 7/11
    Or snuck in a vending machine somewhere
    In France, Tokyo, or even Helsinki
    The man with the golden Twinkie

    Obesity's required whenever he's hired
    It comes just before the heart attack
    No-one can miss him
    No fat man can resist him
    For his pervasive marketing skills

    One golden stick means another poor victim
    Has come to a fattening end
    For a price, he'll even get kinky
    The man with the golden Twinkie
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    This song is about a woman who has a fetish for fat men like Sean Connery.

    Nobody's Butt Is Fatter

    Nobody's butt is fatter
    Makes me feel jealous of the rest
    Nobody weights half as much as you
    Baby, you got breasts.

    I wasn't lookin', but no one could miss you
    I tried to hide from your hunger fits
    Like heaven above me, you're so huge
    Baby, you got tits

    And nobody's butt is fatter
    Sometimes I wish that weren't true
    Nobody does it quite the way you do
    Why'd you have to eat all that fondue?

    The way that you hold me when you're inside me
    There's like 20 gallons of sweat inside you
    That keeps me from running, but I keep on ... ;)
    How'd you learn to do the things you do?

    Baby, you've got breasts
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    {[] Some brilliant songs. Absolutely - Cart :))
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • AlphaOmegaSinAlphaOmegaSin EnglandPosts: 10,924MI6 Agent
    Brilliant :))
    1.On Her Majesties Secret Service 2.The Living Daylights 3.license To Kill 4.The Spy Who Loved Me 5.Goldfinger
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    edited January 2015
    Thanks guys. This next song is dedicated to the misty eyed Tim Dalton fan club and higgins.

    Thanksgiving Delights

    Turkey day.
    Makes my hunger fade awayyyy
    Oooooooohhhhh
    Thanksgiving Delights...
    Oooooooohhhhh
    Thanksgiving Delights

    Come the morning and the hang over fades away
    Aunt mabe's cookin is fat but McDonalds they blame
    I've been waiting so long for one of us to say
    Lets eat yams and potatoes till the turkeys baked

    The dinners burned and its a rainy day
    I always wanted to order pizza anyway
    Papa Johns slices make my hunger fade awayyyyy

    Oooooooooohhhhh!
    Thanksgiving Delights
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Here's my next parody: For Your Fries Only.

    Except this time, it's all audio. I'm singing it.

    http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xOcZreaDyT
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    I'll post up the lyrics

    For Your Fries Only

    For Your Fries Only
    Go to Burger King at night
    For Your Fries Only
    Where does the ketchup hide
    You can see so much of me
    You haven't seen that's new
    Never felt fat
    Till I cooked with you

    For Your Fries Only
    Only for you
    You eat what no one else can eat
    Makes me feel obese
    For Your Fries Only
    Only for you
    The grub you know you need in me
    The fantasy of you feeding me
    Only for you
    Only for you

    For your fries only
    The night shift never gets old
    You lecture me about calories
    Like I do not know
    Maybe I'm a horrible cook
    Because I want burgers and fries
    But you won't need to eat your greens anytime

    For Your Fries Only
    Only for you
    My butt cheeks are colliding in me
    Burger King showed another side of me
    For your fries only...
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    :)) You have a talent for Parody AC, and a very nice singing voice too. {[]
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • always shakenalways shaken LondonPosts: 6,287MI6 Agent
    Golden (eye) Arches , Macdonalds corporate logo

    See the menu upon the wall,
    see the menu ,he wants it all
    see him que up in the drive through
    I can feel his breath on the intercom too,
    Golden arches beckons him in
    Golden arches is where youll find him
    a solid quarter pounder is what he needs.
    fries and a coke and a apple pie too,
    (I must pass the batton over to some one more musical) :))
    By the way, did I tell you, I was "Mad"?
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :))
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • always shakenalways shaken LondonPosts: 6,287MI6 Agent
    Golden (eye) Arches , Macdonalds corporate logo

    See the menu upon the wall,
    see the menu ,he wants it all
    see him que up in the drive through
    I can feel his breath on the intercom too,
    Golden arches beckons him in
    Golden arches is where youll find him
    a solid quarter pounder is what he needs.
    fries and a coke and a apple pie too,
    (I must pass the batton over to some one more musical) :))

    wait theres more

    see his reflection in the counter
    a quarter pounder is what hes after
    see him ask for the value meal
    one more Mcrib and he ll be ill
    its a golden arches
    its a golden arches
    By the way, did I tell you, I was "Mad"?
  • 002002 New ZealandPosts: 558MI6 Agent
    Eee! It's quite fun, this, in't it?

    CHUNDER CALL

    He takes the challenge while on the grog;
    He sculls while other men just gawk.
    They call him the legend who knocks back it all;
    Until it strikes: the Chunder call!

    He begins leaning into egress;
    His glass holds more but he pauses less.
    He refills his glass and drinks it all;
    Then it strikes: the Chunder call!

    Any toilet he vomits, he'll get;
    ‘Til he falls: breaks the bowl of it with his head.

    His days of lashing should be all gone;
    But his lash goes on, and on, and on.
    ‘Cos he thinks that the booze is worth it all;
    Until it strikes: the Chunder call!
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    I looked chunder. It means sick. Calling in sick during a hangover. And it rhymes perfectly with Thunderball. Brilliant song 002.
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    :)) You have a talent for Parody AC, and a very nice singing voice too. {[]

    Thanks lol. But it only reaches as far as Connery is fat jokes, unfortunately. hahaha.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,792MI6 Agent
    Hey, Talent is talent. Even if it's only on a specialist subject. ;) :D
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Absolutely_CartAbsolutely_Cart NJ/NYC, United StatesPosts: 1,740MI6 Agent
    Golden Fries

    See your reflection in the mirror
    All that fatness will be your death
    When he walks he casts a shadow
    That will cover the Earth to it's edge

    Golden Fries - I found his weakness
    Golden Fries - He'll eat as he pleases
    Golden Fries - No time for sweets, kid
    But a stroke will bring him to his knees

    (And I said...)
    You'll never know how I fed you
    in McDonald's as a child
    (And he said...)
    You'll never know how it feels to be the one
    with a fat behind

    You'll never know, the plates I've tried
    the sweat, the sweat I've supplied
    But now my arteries are clogged
    And time, time is not on my side

    (And he said...)
    I can barely move, and my death is nearer
    They can feel my presence in the crowd
    (And I said...)
    All the doctors would gather around him
    If I still had him, I would be feeding him now

    Golden Fries - No carrots or lettuce
    Come to us - we got a wifi hot spot
    Golden Fries - we'll addict him forever
    It'll take forever to see
    Your body rot!
Sign In or Register to comment.