Shakespeare's Bond: Work area (All welcome!)

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  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,941MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    YE SPECTRE
    Act 1, Scene 1. A foreign place. Enter Sir James with a comely wench.
    Wench: But, Sir James, wherefore must we wear the habit of those who are deceased?
    Sir James: ‘Tis the day when the dead are alive, yet the opposite I must make so.
    (Enter Signor Sciarra)
    Sir James: Hold, sir!
    (They struggle. Signor Sciarra boards a winged chariot, pursued by Sir James. They struggle more. Sir James emerges victorious, clutching Signor Sciarra’s ring)

    Perhaps Bond should perform a Jedi mind trick on the guard instead of the Mickey Mouse line, just for a reference to Craig's camoe in Star Wars?
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    Why not let the female apothecary mention some medival version of the evil plans of SPECTRE, such as producing 5000 fake little fingers of the Lord to be sold to the sick and infirm as a unique holy relic?

    Later, when Bond and Madeleine get there , some comment should be made about the Comte's secret lair being made out of highly flamable materials :D

    Both now included!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Act 6, Scene 4. The throne room of Lord Max Moriarty.
    (Lord Max enters to find Sir Gareth and the Young Wizard awaiting)
    Lord Max: In faith, 'tis my belief that you are trespassing here!
    Sir Gareth: Nay, Lord Max, I but question your taste in friends and am putting an end to thine evil schemes.
    Lord Max: For this thou art responsible?
    Sir Gareth: Nay, but the Young Wizard is.
    Lord Max: For this thou shalt die!
    (Lord Max draws his sword but finds the end has been blunted)
    Sir Gareth: Marry, 'tis now we know what "C" stands for:
    CUCKOO!!!
    (They doth struggle, and Lord Max falls from a great height)
    Young Wizard: Be he dead, Sire?
    Sir Gareth: 'Tis to be hoped, although he keeps coming back after Sir Sherlock did slay him.
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,356MI6 Agent
    :007) Great work, gentlemen! {[]

    Act III, Scene II.

    Sir James (atop the trusty silver steed assigned to Naught Naught Nine, pursued by Yeoman Hinx).
    Sir James: Maiden MoneyPenny, wherefore art thou?
    Maid MoneyPenny: I am here, Sir James, awaiting your pleasure sire.
    Sir James: Maid MoneyPenny, forsooth. It seems events of late in the Frankish Emprire, the Arab-Berbers, the Aztecs, are all connected by one brethren. Hast thou knowledge?
    (From off, a Varlet sounds, asking Maid MoneyPenny with whom she discourses so late.)
    Maid MoneyPenny to the Varlet: It is my Lord, whose purse has been swiped, now prithee go back to sleep, perchance to dream. Ahem.
    Sir James: Maid MoneyPenny, who is the Varlet who seeks to occupy thy chamber?
    Maid MoneyPenny (blushing): none of thy beeswax. Sir James, of this brethren, this has knowledge: 'tis the Pale King thou sleekest, of late in Altausee near the Frankish border.
    Sir James: Fair MoneyPenny, pray tell, hast thou knowledge of another, Lord Francis of Uber-Castle?Before and after his passing from this mortal coil?
    Maid MoneyPenny : Sir James, hast thou been knocking back the mead again? While you are atop your trusty steed? Hmmm...
    (Sir James spurs on his steed, away from Yeoman Hinx but into the path of a humble peasant atop a small donkey. With one snort, Sir James's steed gallops ahead and noses the donkey into a trough, to the peasant's chagrin. Sir James, whose steed has been fed much green vegetables and broth by the Young Wizard, pauses to light the mighty steed's flatulent emission into the oncoming path of Yeoman Hinx. But alas, the steed is overcome, and tosses Sir James like buckaroo before plunging into the river. Yeoman Hinx retires).
    The scene ends.
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    :D Thanks, C&D, lovely stuff!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Sir James and Maid Madeleine must discover a clue to the Comte de Blofeld's whereabouts, with the aid of a bottle of wine and a mouse. I'll start it off, please guys continue with even a line or two 'cos I'm stuck here!

    Act 5, Scene 1. A boarding house in a foreign place.
    Sir James: So, this be The Atlantian Inn?
    Maid Madeleine: Aye, 'tis where my father first took my mother to bed after their wedding. I prithee, Sir James, let no similar ideas cross thine mind lest I slay thee.

    .....????
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,405MI6 Agent
    Act 6 Scene 1
    A Carriage ride in the country.
    Maid Madeline: thee should not stare at mine garment
    Sir James: thee shouldn't behold like that! And concluded, be it I wast admiring the water lilies outside the quite quaint carriage (awkward pause)
    Sir James: wilt thee drinketh the devil's drinketh, mine lady?
    Maid Madeline: if 't be true I doth I findeth myself in error
    Sir James: We must has't that! Er.. I mean, must not has't that
    Maid Madeline: I wilt has't soiled mead.
    Sir James: Soiled Mead! (Aside) The maiden is a white lamb desiring to beest tupped. I shalt has't to attend to doth beast with two backs!
    Maid Madeline: wherefore didst thee becometh a knight?
    Sir James: hath paid check, latest trustworthy steed and killeth men without arriving in dungeon! (Carriage slows, yeoman Hinx enters carriage)
    Sir James: Is this the large yeoman hinx I see ere me?
    (They tussle, Sir James and Maid Madeline both throw Yeoman Hinx off the carriage, carriage runs over Hinx)
    Yeoman Hinx: Fornication under Consent of the Ki-
    (Carriage reverses and runs over Yeoman Hinx again)
    Maid Madeline: What doth we doth now, Sir James?
    Sir James: cometh, alloweth us giveth in to earthly desires, while listening to young squire Sam Smith serenade us with his fiddle.
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    :D :D :D :D Oh well done!!!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    :)) :)) :)) ... still laughing, thanks James!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Act 6, Scene 5. The River Thames.
    (Sir James and Maid Madeleine doth pursue the Comte de Blofeld in boats)

    ..... ????
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,405MI6 Agent
    Thanks Barbel! I'm quite new at this, but its super fun!
    A few lines for the scene you were working on.
    Sir James: Who doth thee worketh for?
    Mouse: mine mistress, the lady wears the trousers in the family.
    Sir James: The mouse talks! Guide me to Comte te Blofeld’s castle!
    Mouse: Only for a sip of thy hearty wine, valorous sire.
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    :)) I like that, and suggest that the mouse talks only because Sir James is very drunk on the wine?
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,405MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    :)) I like that, and suggest that the mouse talks only because Sir James is very drunk on the wine?
    Yep! I thought the mouse leading them would be pretty funny as well
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Act 5, Scene 1. A boarding house in a foreign place.
    Sir James: So, this be The Atlantian Inn?
    Maid Madeleine: Aye, 'tis where my father first took my mother to bed after their wedding. I prithee, Sir James, let no similar ideas cross thine mind lest I slay thee.
    Sir James: Let the thought perish! Thou must sleep, while I do partake of this convenient bottle of wine which I hath found...
    (Six bottles of wine later, a mouse doth run across the floor. Sir James rather unsteadily threatens the mouse with his sword.)
    Sir James: Who doth thee worketh for?
    Mouse: Mine mistress, the lady doth wear the trousers in the family.
    Sir James: The mouse talks! Guide me to Comte de Blofeld’s castle!
    Mouse: Only for a sip of thy hearty wine, valorous sire.
    Sir James: With this I hath no problem. Awake, Maid Madeleine!
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,405MI6 Agent
    Perfect.
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    :) Now that just leaves the ending....

    Act 6, Scene 6. The River Thames.
    (Sir James and Maid Madeleine doth pursue the Comte de Blofeld in boats)
    Comte: Thou shalt not surpass mine vessel, Sir James!
    Sir James: So sure art thou, Comte de Blofeld...?
    Maid Madeleine: His ship is out of reach of thine sword, Sir James, our pursuit ist doomed to fail.
    Sir James: Nay, sweet maid, give unto me thine nailfile.
    (Sir James aims carefully and with an accuracy which doth astound certain members be striketh the most vulnerable spot on the Comte's vessel)

    ... Needs more...
  • James SuzukiJames Suzuki New ZealandPosts: 2,405MI6 Agent
    Instead of the MI6 building exploding, Bond could traverse the ruins of the Vauxhall Castle, finding Lady Madeline on the castle loo? Having to escape before a large gang of pillaging Gauls arrive?
    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. "
    -Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Hmm...

    Act 6, Scene 5. Ye ruins of Vauxhall Castle, the walls bearing likenesses of Lady Lynd, Le Lecter, Dame Miles, and others.
    Comte: Again we meet, Sir James.
    Sir James: Thou dost bear a scar, Comte, 'tis my hope it doth not hurt thee too much.
    Comte: Nay, though the acquisition of it did not bring me pleasure, or indeed pleasence.
    Sir James: In this castle I knowest thou hath hidden the fair Madeleine.
    Comte: Yea, and thine task it shall be to find her ere this castle shall be laid waste to.

    ....Needs more...
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,356MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Hmm...

    Sir James: Thou dost bear a scar, Comte...
    Comte: ?.. the acquisition of it did not bring me pleasure, or indeed pleasence.

    :)) :)) :))
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,356MI6 Agent
    Act VI, Scene V, continued.

    It is night, and the Comte de Bleuchamp harangues Sir James.

    Comte: 'Ere the **** crows thrice, Lady Madeleine shall be reduced to naught. So shal't thou save thyself and live with the pain, or attempt to save fair lady and fail in thy task? Heheh.
    Sir James: Vile Comte, not Sir, - alas (nor savalas) thou be! Grr.
    Comte: Thou speak truly Sir James, and to thy task I commend you like a brother who knows thy secret switches...
    (With that the Comte departs stage left, as the **** begins its first crow. Sir James withdrwaws his sword and races through the castle, until he spies fair maiden astride her throne).
    Sir James: Lady Madeleine! (He plucks her from the throne and, running, espies the absence of a central spiral staircase through which he plots his escape).
    Sir James: Fair Lady, dost thou trust me?
    Lady Madeleine: Do I have a choice?
    Sir James: Hmm, the very words the Lady Camille spoke to me when I as't her show me Lord Greene's Tierra Project... And look how that worked out...
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,941MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Sir James and Maid Madeleine must discover a clue to the Comte de Blofeld's whereabouts, with the aid of a bottle of wine and a mouse. I'll start it off, please guys continue with even a line or two 'cos I'm stuck here!

    Act 5, Scene 1. A boarding house in a foreign place.
    Sir James: So, this be The Atlantian Inn?
    Maid Madeleine: Aye, 'tis where my father first took my mother to bed after their wedding. I prithee, Sir James, let no similar ideas cross thine mind lest I slay thee.

    .....????

    Maid Madeleine finishes off one bottle (hick!) and finds a note /map inside the second bottle she finds.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,941MI6 Agent
    Barbel wrote:
    Hmm...

    Act 6, Scene 5. Ye ruins of Vauxhall Castle.
    Comte: Again we meet, Sir James.
    Sir James: Thou dost bear a scar, Comte, 'tis my hope it doth not hurt thee too much.
    Comte: Nay, though the acquisition of it did not bring me pleasure, or indeed pleasence.
    Sir James: In this castle I knowest thou hath hidden the fair Madeleine.
    Comte: Yea, and thine task it shall be to find her ere this castle shall be laid waste to.

    ....Needs more...

    Paintings of sir Bond's past foes and sweethearts, both aplenty, adorn the castle walls.
    Perhaps Bond should swing from the chandeliers at some point :D
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,941MI6 Agent
    Instead of the MI6 building exploding, Bond could traverse the ruins of the Vauxhall Castle, finding Lady Madeline on the castle loo? Having to escape before a large gang of pillaging Gauls arrive?

    No, the castle is about to go up in flames. Perhaps Greek fire?
    Quip by Blofeld; There is Greek fire placed in all nooks and crannies in 'this castle, hence it will go up in flames faster than than a Greek royal treasure chest :))
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Barbel wrote:
    Hmm...

    Sir James: Thou dost bear a scar, Comte...
    Comte: ?.. the acquisition of it did not bring me pleasure, or indeed pleasence.

    :)) :)) :))

    I'm glad you noticed! :D
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    Barbel wrote:
    Hmm...

    Act 6, Scene 5. Ye ruins of Vauxhall Castle.
    Comte: Again we meet, Sir James.
    Sir James: Thou dost bear a scar, Comte, 'tis my hope it doth not hurt thee too much.
    Comte: Nay, though the acquisition of it did not bring me pleasure, or indeed pleasence.
    Sir James: In this castle I knowest thou hath hidden the fair Madeleine.
    Comte: Yea, and thine task it shall be to find her ere this castle shall be laid waste to.

    ....Needs more...

    Paintings of sir Bond's past foes and sweethearts, both aplenty, adorn the castle walls.
    Perhaps Bond should swing from the chandeliers at some point :D

    Done the first one, thinking about the second.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    Barbel wrote:
    Sir James and Maid Madeleine must discover a clue to the Comte de Blofeld's whereabouts, with the aid of a bottle of wine and a mouse. I'll start it off, please guys continue with even a line or two 'cos I'm stuck here!

    Act 5, Scene 1. A boarding house in a foreign place.
    Sir James: So, this be The Atlantian Inn?
    Maid Madeleine: Aye, 'tis where my father first took my mother to bed after their wedding. I prithee, Sir James, let no similar ideas cross thine mind lest I slay thee.

    .....????

    Maid Madeleine finishes off one bottle (hick!) and finds a note /map inside the second bottle she finds.

    I think the drunken Sir James hearing the mouse talk is funnier!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Act VI, Scene V, continued.

    It is night, and the Comte de Bleuchamp harangues Sir James.

    Comte: 'Ere the **** crows thrice, Lady Madeleine shall be reduced to naught. So shal't thou save thyself and live with the pain, or attempt to save fair lady and fail in thy task? Heheh.
    Sir James: Vile Comte, not Sir, - alas (nor savalas) thou be! Grr.
    Comte: Thou speak truly Sir James, and to thy task I commend you like a brother who knows thy secret switches...
    (With that the Comte departs stage left, as the **** begins its first crow. Sir James withdrwaws his sword and races through the castle, until he spies fair maiden astride her throne).
    Sir James: Lady Madeleine! (He plucks her from the throne and, running, espies the absence of a central spiral staircase through which he plots his escape).
    Sir James: Fair Lady, dost thou trust me?
    Lady Madeleine: Do I have a choice?
    Sir James: Hmm, the very words the Lady Camille spoke to me when I as't her show me Lord Greene's Tierra Project... And look how that worked out...

    Wonderful, C&D, this is definitely going in!
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Number24 wrote:
    Instead of the MI6 building exploding, Bond could traverse the ruins of the Vauxhall Castle, finding Lady Madeline on the castle loo? Having to escape before a large gang of pillaging Gauls arrive?

    No, the castle is about to go up in flames. Perhaps Greek fire?
    Quip by Blofeld; There is Greek fire placed in all nooks and crannies in 'this castle, hence it will go up in flames faster than than a Greek royal treasure chest :))

    :) That's going in, too.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 32,235Chief of Staff
    Well, gentlemen, below is the assembled version! Please read, examine, make suggestions, criticise, etc!

    [Now at http://www.ajb007.co.uk/topic/47380/ajb-presents-william-shakespeares-james-bond-in/ Barbel]
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,941MI6 Agent
    :007)
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