No discussion: The political jokes thread

Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
edited February 2017 in Off Topic Chat
This is the thread where everyone is invited to tell political jokes. Only tell political jokes, that is. We are not allowed to discuss the jokes here- that belongs in another thread :v
The other rule is - be funny! :D


What kind of doctor do you need to fix Obamacare? An URLologist


Donald Trump isn't a sexual abuser. He's an alternative romantic.


English players are frantically googling "football" after playing Iceland.


An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.


In capitalism, man exploits man. In socialism, it's the other way around.
«1345678

Comments

  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.


    Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.


    What movie does Hillary watch when she's in a bad mood? Kill Bill.


    Q: What is the difference between God and Donald Trump?
    A: God doesn't belive he's Donald Trump.
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    Dear Lord,

    Recently you have called home some of my favorite musical celebrities: Prince, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Leon Russell, and Leonard Cohen.
    FYI, my favorite radio and television celebrities are Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, and Ann Coulter.

    Thank you, Amen.



    (I'll stop now. Feel free to continue :) )
  • LoeffelholzLoeffelholz The United States, With LovePosts: 8,854Quartermasters
    ...
    "Blood & Ashes"...AVAILABLE on Amazon.co.uk: Get 'Jaded': Blood & Ashes: The Debut Oscar Jade Thriller
    "I am not an entrant in the Shakespeare Stakes." - Ian Fleming
    "Screw 'em." - Daniel Craig, The Best James Bond EverTM
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    Yes, Loeffelholz. You can post jokes about Hillary Clinton or even Norway. But only if you find them funny :D
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    Electing Trump as a President is a lot like going for a walk in your shorts and with a ferret on a leash. You don't know where you'll end up and vital areas are in danger ;)
  • HardyboyHardyboy Posts: 5,765Chief of Staff
    The problem with political jokes is that they tend to get elected.
    Vox clamantis in deserto
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,295Chief of Staff
    A very old one, but it still works. Lady Astor was a politician contemporary with Sir Winston Churchill.

    Lady Astor: Prime Minister, you are drunk!
    Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly- but I will be sober tomorrow.
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 3,947MI6 Agent
    Neil Kinnock.
    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Silhouette ManSilhouette Man The last refuge of a scoundrelPosts: 7,657MI6 Agent
    Neil Kinnock.

    Nick Clegg.
    "The tough man of the world. The Secret Agent. The man who was only a silhouette." - Ian Fleming, Moonraker (1955).
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    edited February 2017
    Why do the British like tea so much? Because the tea leaves.


    Why was Nigel Farage's Christmas dinner so crap?
    He banned brussles and there was no turkey despite Nigel insisting it would be admited to the table any minute now.


    Why doesn't Father Christmas vote UKIP? He isn't worried about living near a Pole.
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,435MI6 Agent
    Hardyboy wrote:
    The problem with political jokes is that they tend to get elected.
    Not always.......enter ed miliband


    20170213_181215.jpg
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,435MI6 Agent
    edited February 2017
    :))
    And not declaring his two kitchens but being interviewed in both of them on the same day :)
    A socialist with two kitchens and a housekeeper -{

    Another political joke

    20170213_183559.jpg

    And for a full house, I wonder where corbyn is taking inspiration from?

    20170213_184948.jpg

    Screenshot_20170213_183928.png

    Screenshot_20170213_184044.png
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • ChriscoopChriscoop Belize Posts: 10,435MI6 Agent
    :)) :)) :))
    Checking for std's
    It was either that.....or the priesthood
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,399MI6 Agent
    bildschirmfoto9ci1u8dgpy.png
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,399MI6 Agent
    It's not the ladies that I would worry about ;)
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    edited February 2017
    Q: How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
    A: Juan by Juan



    Q: Why did Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
    A: Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighbourhood.



    Q: What does Donald Trump’s wife call it when he takes viagra?
    A: A rigged erection




    How the EU works: In Germany, they make the rules, in Britain, they obey the rules, in France, they bend the rules, in Spain, they break the rules and in Italy they have no rules at all.



    Oh dear. The eurozone's Facebook page has changed its currency status from ‘single’ to ‘it's complicated’.



    The eurozone leaders are looking for a stimulus package. Silvio Berlusconi suggests two Viagra and a Red Bull.


    Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
    The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
    The Spaniard replied: ‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
    The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
    When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said: ‘You see that bridge over there?’
    The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’



    The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.
    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
    By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it izi to understand esh ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!
  • Sir Hillary BraySir Hillary Bray College of ArmsPosts: 2,171MI6 Agent
    Number24 wrote:
    Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
    The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.
    The Spaniard replied: ‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’
    The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.
    When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said: ‘You see that bridge over there?’
    The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’

    The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.
    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
    By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it izi to understand esh ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!
    These are both very good! {[]
    Hilly...you old devil!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    Tank ju veri mutsh! :D
  • DiabolikDiabolik TexasPosts: 117MI6 Agent
    1469040237566.jpg
    1.TSWLM 2.LTK 3.YOLT 4.OHMSS 5.TWINE 6.LALD 7.MR 8.GE 9.DN 10.FRWL
    Bond: Pierce Brosnan Villain: Hugo Drax Girl: Pam Bouvier
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,399MI6 Agent
    Tony Blair announces a campaign AGAINST Brexit.

    That MUST be a joke :s
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • ThunderpussyThunderpussy Behind you !Posts: 63,697MI6 Agent
    edited January 9
    .
    "I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    I asked my friend in North Korea how he was. He said he can't complain.


    Q: How many North Koreans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. The Supreme Leader says we are okay to be in the dark.



    Did you know that in North Korea, their military always marches to the left?
    It's because in North Korea they have no rights.



    Dark Humor is like food in North Korea.
    Not everyone gets it.



    north-korea-in-a-nutshell_o_1243693.jpg




    instagram-pic-meme.jpg
  • HigginsHiggins GermanyPosts: 16,399MI6 Agent
    edited February 2017
    IMG_0876.jpg?dl=1&_ga=1.208854290.1455548664.1468347645



    IMG_0877.jpg?dl=1&_ga=1.249814662.1455548664.1468347645

    IMG_0878.jpg?dl=1&_ga=1.218707865.1455548664.1468347645
    President of the 'Misty Eyes Club'.

    Dalton - the weak and weepy Bond!
  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 17,918MI6 Agent
    General Flynn recieved a letter from Moscow. When a single red tulip fell out, his face turned white as a sheet..... :v
Sign In or Register to comment.