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  • chrisno1chrisno1 LondonPosts: 3,253MI6 Agent

    DARK PRINCE: THE TRUE STORY OF DRACULA (2000)

    Not the true story and not about Count Dracula, but about the historical figure who inspired Bram Stoker to at least bastardise the name Vlad Draculea for his famous gothic horror novel of 1896. This insipid and rather dull mock-up of an epic concerns the travails of Vlad III of Wallachia – note, not even Transylvania – who is considered a Romanian national hero for driving the Ottoman Turks out of the country. The reprive was only temporary; they were soon back. Writer Thomas Baum plays fast and loose with history. Very fast for the movie is only ninety minutes long. Very loose too, as myth and fact are blended with cinematic notions and the Catholic supernatural. It is unexciting as an epic, interesting as a socio-politico-religious commentary and only becomes chilling towards its gloomy, but atmospherically ghostly climax. The cast is composed of unknowns and oddities. People like Jane March and Roger Daltry pop up and look totally out of place in all that 15th Century garb and verse. Rudolf Martin is the bloody ‘Impaler’ and he plays him with a downcast, grim expression, his eyesight barely even leaves the floor, his brows hooded over like a hawk’s. Martin would go on to play the actual fictional Count in a fun episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer entitled Buffy Vs Dracula. Basically, this film is toilet. I found out after viewing that it was made-for-television, which explains much.    

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    @chrisno1 I remember that edition very well 😁as far as I know it’s the only movie made from the book series, which is a shame because Darker Than Amber is excellent.

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    SITTING TARGET (1972)

    Following on from the success of the previous years GET CARTER this hard-boiled British thriller directed by Douglas Hickox is a rough, tough pulp actioner set in grimy London locations not seen on tourist tours. Oliver Reed is perfectly cast as a vicious convict whose wife, our own Jill St. John, finally decides to pay him a visit after five months inside, only to inform him she's pregnant and wants a divorce. After smashing his hand straight through the glass partition separating them, his attempt to strangle her fails, but he swears to get her. He then breaks out of jail with fellow inmate Ian MacShane and tracks her down. The prison escape is suspensefully handled, Hickox constantly surprises with his framing and rapid-fire editing and doesn't pull any punches as far as the violence is concerned. There’s top-notch support from Edward Woodward as the cop who originally sent Reed down, and Mike Pratt (of RANDALL AND HOPKIRK (DECEASED)) as the prison warden who turns a blind eye during the break out. There’s also a decent twist which turns events on its head.

    It’s not as good as GET CARTER but it’s a damn good effort.


    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • chrisno1chrisno1 LondonPosts: 3,253MI6 Agent

    THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED (2015)

    This prequel to The Transporter Trilogy misses Jason Stathan and therefore much of the tongue in cheek machismo. Ed Skrein, whatever his talents, is no replacement. Also missing is Francois Berleand as the ruffled Insp. Tarconi. He is replaced by Ray Stevenson as Frank Martin Sr, who it turns out is a British secret service agent, a man who likes a bottle of wine, turns a blind eye to his son’s illegal driving gigs and is about as randy an Englishman as you can find in the French Riviera. The sex is embarrassing for it feels entirely inappropriate in a movie about women escaping prostitution for those same women to fall so willingly and mockingly into bed with the heroes and their fathers. It doesn’t help that at the time one of their number is severely injured after taking a bullet through the stomach. You wonder who’s looking after the poor girl while all this copulation is going on. Little oversights in plotting occur over and again in this film and effectively ruin it as any kind of spectacle. I know we shouldn’t be taking any Transporter film very seriously, but the story ought to make sense, character-wise and narratively. Refueled just doesn’t. They can’t even spell it right [one L only - really ?].

    The major problem though is the movie’s star. Ed Skrein’s version of Frank Martin is a distinctly below average action hero. Admittedly he isn’t expected to do much except fight and drive cars, but I found his wispy delivery and blank as a brick wall expression very hard to live with. He’s clearly watched the previous movies, but an impersonation such as this does not flatter Mr Stathan. I am not even going to mention the remainder of the cast, who are a grim faced lot at the best of times. The four females of interest keep swapping wigs and dresses and I had no idea who was who. The villains are stupid. The plot is something to do with stealing millions from a high class pimp. It’s kind of reimagining Ocean’s 11 on the Riviera with hookers and pimps instead of gamblers and casino bosses. Action proliferates faster than you can say ‘Transporter’. I suppose it’s entertaining in a totally mindless fashion, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it again.  


     

      

  • HarryCanyonHarryCanyon Posts: 198MI6 Agent
    edited April 21

    THE MINISTRY OF UNGENTLEMANY WARFARE (2024) with Henry Cavill, Alan Ritchson, and Til Schweiger. Directed by Guy Ritchie.

    The premise: It's 1942 and German u-boats are sinking too many ships in the Atlantic. Britain is faced with solving the problem of these u-boats as America won't commit to entering the war until the convoys can traverse the ocean in relative safety. Churchill, against his advisors, commissions an unacknowledged mission to blow up the u-boat supply base on the Spanish island of Fernando Po. Enter Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) who is busted out of prison to lead this mission. Hijinks ensue.

    This is actually a pretty fun movie. Cavill is having a blast here, dispatching Nazis with a wry smile, a fun comment, and (occasionally) with his tongue hanging out. The good news is that most of the rest of the cast is in on the fun with Alan Ritchson arguably stealing the movie as Anders Lassen. You'll have a smile on your face during most of the action sequences due the way that they're staged and the way that they employ a black comedic tone. The only real problem that I had with the film is that it peaks early with the sequence at the end of the first act where the team 'rescues' Appleyard (Alex Pettyfer) from Nazis. That sequence is amazing in terms of action and comedy, and the film never quite hits that energy level again. Once you're done there, the film has a ton of setup for the third act involving a lot of talking and planning. There's good stuff in there but the film really slows down. The good news is that the third act is essentially a big heist sequence and it's really a lot of fun. It's not at the level of that earlier sequence but It's still satisfying and engaging.

    There are plenty of nods to James Bond in the film. Ian Fleming is present as one of the planners of the mission, the Cary Elwes character is called 'M', and so forth. The end credits even bluntly state that the Cavill character was one of the primary influences on James Bond.

    Recommended for an afternoon matinee. The wife and I had fun and most of the theater seemed to enjoy it. It's not essential viewing by any means but it's entertaining enough. This isn't one of Guy Ritchie's best films but it's worth watching once.

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    FIGURES IN A LANDSCAPE (1970)

    The plot is simple, two prison escapees (we don’t know what they were imprisoned for so we don’t know if we should root for them or not ) try to make it across endless miles of wilderness on foot. It’s survival of the fittest, as the duo pit their wits against a pursuit helicopter. Shaw (who also wrote the script) is the wizened MacConnachie, while MacDowell plays the weaker Ansell (foreseeing the Jaws characterisations between Shaw and Dreyfuss).

    Director Joseph Losey strips the story to its bare essentials as we see the pair endure the gruelling physical ordeal they are faced with, they steal food and an old rifle, and gradually become uneasy traveling companions. They avoid soldiers, fire bombs and the omnipresent helicopter. Both characters remain underdeveloped, but when Shaw becomes obsessed with destroying the helicopter, you can see the basis of his Quint turn in Jaws. Eventually they get to what looks like what they have been searching for - it looks like a military compound or border control, but the film isn’t quite over yet.

    What makes this film worth watching is the stunning helicopter footage as it skims the terrain, stalking the pair as they cross the harsh landscape. The pilots are never seen and everyone else in the film has their eyes covered by sunglasses or goggles, reminiscent of “the man with no eyes” in Cool Hand Luke. In the end the movie is too pretentious for it’s own good and because of the lack of insight into the escapees we end up not really caring what happens.

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    SHAFT (1971)

    With Richard Roundtree’s ultra cool portrayal of a private eye, backed up by Isaac Hayes’s wonderful funky score, this exploded onto the circuit at the beginning of the 70’s and made blaxploitation a genre that was to affect even the James Bond franchise.

    Shaft is hired by gang boss Moses Gunn to find his kidnapped daughter. When the clues lead to a black militant activist things hot up as he gets caught in a turf war between rival crime gangs who want to take Harlem over for themselves.

    Gordon Parks effortlessly directs the thrilling action and Roundtree gives a very charismatic performance in a film that would spawn two sequels and a television series. Ultimately, making 25 times it’s budget, this spawned the blaxploitation genre where we would see the good, the bad and the ugly in the following decade.

    “Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?… Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all around? Shaft, John Shaft” You better believe it.

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 36,323Chief of Staff

    Loved that and the sequels. The TV version was much weaker, being too toned down to convey the character and his environment in the way that made the movies memorable.

  • MarkerMarker Posts: 63MI6 Agent

    'Capricorn One'. The story of a faked US mission to Mars. It's a long time since I've seen that one but it was an enjoyable enough romp. I had to laugh at the scene where Elliot Gould's Investigative journalist character had his car tampered with by unnamed US agents when he was getting a little too close to the truth for their liking. Classic film stuff, brakes fail, handbrake cut, accelerator jams open, gear lever doesn't work, 100mph speed indicator, etc. After a comical drive at 5x speeded up film, the car plunges off a bridge and into a river in what would have obviously been a fatal crash, but Elliot appears from the submerged wreckage and swims to safety without so much as a bumped forehead.

    Author of 'An Ungentlemanly Act' and 'Execution of Duty'. The WW2 espionage series starring Harry Flynn.

  • chrisno1chrisno1 LondonPosts: 3,253MI6 Agent

    NO EXIT (2022)

    Taylor Adams’ novel upon which this nervy little thriller is based has decent reviews on Good Reads. Like IMDB that is not a signpost to success. The film got middling reviews, the best words mostly reserved for Havanna Rose Liu’s turn as a drug addict who escapes rehab and winds up in all sorts of trouble at a snowed-in visitor centre in the Salt Lake mountains. It’s a grim affair, initially a bit dull and cliche at the rehab centre, then bleakly believable as five characters assemble at the only point of alpine refuge. Things liven up when Liu discovers a kidnapped child in one of the vehicles – but whose vehicle is it and how can she free the victim without arousing suspicion? Trivial dialogue from Marvel Comic Universe pens-men Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari expands on the basic premise but only succeeds in making the story rather tired. A lot of play is made about Liu’s druggie history and the fact her Mum is dying and I couldn’t help think that in the old days movie makers wouldn’t dwell on these as they bear no relevance to the action which unfolds on screen. I thought we might be in for a kind of modern snow-bound replay of The Petrified Forest, and a tense standoff midway almost proved it. What we eventually get is a gruesome splatter fest of stabbings, shootings and strangulations. Editor Andy Canny may as well have not bothered as his work seems non-existent in the suspense stakes. Director Damien Power just about keeps pace, but there’s not much even he can do with a blood soaked second half of much disappointment.

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent
    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    TIFFANY JONES (1973)

    Cult movie director Pete Walker has more infamous films on his CV than this empty-headed entry. Based on a daily newspaper comic strip this has our own Anouska Hempel as famous blonde bombshell model, Tiffany Jones. Ray Brooks plays an awkward photographer who constantly walks in on half-naked Tiffany at inopportune moments, which is the films sole attempt at humour. When the nefarious president of Zirdana takes a fancy to Tiffany, she's hired for a fake photo shoot and soon thrust into a hotbed of political intrigue and lust. With Wint and Kidd style way-out spies, mob gun dealers and the real ruler of the country (a handsome prince), Tiffany manages to be kidnapped, mistaken for a hooker (not much imagination required), and eventually sets up the fake president during a garden party where little clothing is required.

    It sounds a lot more fun than it actually is, but the lovely Anouska Hempel does embrace her role and takes every opportunity to take off her top and display her ample bosom. Of course, acting isn’t the paramount issue here, so we get gaudy 70’s fashions, limp humour and Tiffany’s splendid curves. The movie has plenty of bare flesh, but damn little else.

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 6,213MI6 Agent

    RAVAGERS (1979)

    I had never heard of this before watching it a couple of weeks ago, and as I quite like the post-apocalyptic genre, and it’s got a cast with some star names, I thought I’d give it a go. Unfortunately it’s directed flatly by Richard Compton, who’s last feature it would be before transcending into directing television episodes, it's a humourless, below-par bore, seemingly unaware of its cliches.

    With the aid of some poor matte paintings we see that the world is a mess. Cities are bereft, seas are poisoned, and the usual bands of survivors scavenge for food. Richard Harris stars as a weary adventurer. After his wife (Rod Stewart’s then current squeeze Alana Hamilton) is raped and killed by the titular gang, Harris plods across the barren countryside, in search of the legendary Genesis (“a place where things still grow"), with the ravagers in pursuit.

    As Harris wanders about, he's attacked with rocks, meets Art Carney (as a crazy old soldier with a bomb shelter full of food) and blind lawyer Seymour Cassel (who doesn’t last very long), discovers an underground society, and then gets the hots for Ann Turkel (the real life wife of Harris) who seems to be contracted to star in every film that Harris is in (maybe to quell his alcohol habit), still we don’t mind as she is rather lovely. Meanwhile, Woody Strode plays a member of a peaceful community, living on a rusty old battleship, that takes Harris and his followers onboard. Ernest Borgnine turns up (in bug-eyed acting mode) as the boat's paranoid dictator, who creates some languid tension, just before the Ravagers attack.

    There isn’t an original idea in sight, and you’d be forgiven to think that parts of the script had been lifted from Logan’s Run. The infrequent action scenes are slackly handled and edited, and even worse for this sort of film, there is no gratuitous sex or violence.

    I can see why I’d never heard of this movie before.

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
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