I've been looking for pictures of any of the actors & actresses in period costume to insert into the plays. It was easy to find Judi Dench wearing Shakespearean clothing, but less so many of the others. If anyone can find an appropriate pic please post a link to it here!
There were a couple of jokes about her being Storm in X-Men, but none about Catwoman- all ideas welcome, of course.
Actors in Shakespeare costume (or similar)- George Lazenby, Naomie Harris, Barry Nelson, Donald Pleasence, Barbara Bach, Daniel Craig, Louis Jourdan, Carole Bouquet, Pierce Brosnan.... in fact anyone who doesn't already have a pic included!
Act 5, Scene 2. On the ocean, Sir James and Miss Hap approach Sir Gustav’s flagship in a small boat.
Miss Hap: I shalt tie our boat here. Quickly, Sir James, up ye rope and I shalt follow.
Sir James: Er... nay, you go first and I shalt follow.
Miss Hap: And why should this be so?
Sir James: Oh, no reason... (They scale ye rope, Sir James enjoying his view.)
Sir James: Thou do climb like a cat, woman.
Miss Hap: Sssh, I'm trying to forget about that. (They enter ye galleon.)
Sir James: I shalt find Sir Gustav- you find Miss Frosty.
Miss Hap: 'Twill be a pleasure.
Perhaps something that could be worked in .... somewhere ?
on meeting the Queen, sir James says
" Good to see you looking so Happy and Glorious "
"Only on seeing you Sir James, tis thee whom puts the great in Britain "
I thought some blaggards could be dispatched by a brigade of Bearskin hats, with them attacking like a pack
of trained dogs, .......... after all they've been trained to sit on soldiers heads for hours
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Perhaps something that could be worked in .... somewhere ?
Oh, I know just where to put that... or rather, you do!
Act 1, Scene 1.A most royal palace. From a hot-air balloon, several assailants descend on ropes and enter ye building. Apace, they make their way down a corridor only to be confronted by Her Majesty herself.
ER: Varlets! Thee will be sorry thou hast set foot here! (In a fantastic display of combined martial arts, Her Majesty quickly dispatches ye varlets as from her private quarters Sir James Bond doth appear holding his weapon.)
Sir James: ‘Tis good to see thee looking so happy and glorious, Your Majesty.
ER: Only on seeing thee, Sir James, ‘tis thee who puts the Great in Britain. ‘Twould seem thine foster brother ist sending a message.
Sir James: Yes, ma’am.
ER: As if I did not have enough problems with my own family! Deal with this, Sir James.
Sir James: Ist that an order, ma’am?
ER: More of a Royal Command. (Smiling, she doth point at the crest on Sir James's undergarments which reads “By appointment to Her Majesty.”)
ER: Now Sir James, let one help thee look for that stationery.
Sir James: How apt- from Royal Command to command performance... Intermission. Maidens in and out of abbreviated clothing dance whilst an Englishman warbles. Act 2, Scene 1.Ye throne room of Sir Gareth Mallory.
Maid Moneypenny: Thou art most late, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, I was...er... kept up at ye Palace.
Maid Moneypenny: Again...? Sir Gareth awaits thee, thou should attend apace.
Sir Gareth: I hear thou didst have a busy time at ye Palace, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: Aye, a busy Knight.
Sir Gareth: ‘Tis my belief that thine kinsman ye Comte de Blofeld wast behind this attack upon our monarchy. It has been three years since he didst escape from ye Tower, slaying thine ladyfriend Maid Madeleine in ye process.
Sir James: She wast ye daughter of an assassin- she would not have minded.
Sir Gareth: Thou must find this knave and slay him with no delay- thou didst have ye opportunity once, and didst not take it.
Sir James: This time ‘twill be different, mine liege.
Sir Gareth: Then proceed, Naught Naught Seven- apace! Most sure I am that Her Majesty willst be exceedingly grateful and seek to honour ye graciously.
Sir James: (Turns very pale.) ...again?
Sir Gareth: A rumour that he may be in the Balkans we have heard- thou should begin thine search there.
Act 2, Scene 1. Ye throne room of Sir Gareth Mallory.
Maid Moneypenny: Thou art most late, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, I was...er... kept up at ye Palace.
Maid Moneypenny: Again...? Was it "Arise" Sir James.
Sir James : I t'was elevated in the Ranks, so to speak.
Maid Moneypenny : Sir Gareth awaits thee, thou should attend apace.
Sir Gareth: I hear thou didst have a busy time at ye Palace, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: Aye, a busy Knight.
Sir Gareth: ‘Tis my belief that thine kinsman ye Comte de Blofeld wast behind this attack upon our monarchy. It has been three years since he didst escape from ye Tower, slaying thine ladyfriend Maid Madeleine in ye process.
Sir James: She wast ye daughter of an assassin- she would not have minded.
Sir Gareth: Thou must find this knave and slay him with no delay- thou didst have ye opportunity once, and didst not take it.
Sir James: This time ‘twill be different, mine liege.
Sir Gareth: Then proceed, Naught Naught Seven- apace! Most sure I am that Her Majesty willst be exceedingly grateful and seek to honour ye graciously.
Sir James: (Turns very pale.) ...again?
Sir Gareth: Rumblings in the Balkans we have heard
Sir James : Probably all that Goulash and spicy food sir.
Sir Gareth : Thou should begin thine search there.
"I've been informed that there ARE a couple of QAnon supporters who are fairly regular posters in AJB."
Hard to say- The Doctor is a time traveller, after all!
Act 2, Scene 3.A grand boarding house in a foreign place.
Steward: And how may I help thee, good sir?
Sir James: A room thou hast for me, I doth believe. I am he who is called Bond, James Bond. (A most beautiful damsel doth overhear and approaches Sir James. She does appear intelligent, brave, fierce and charming, as well as witty and skilful.)
Damsel: So, thou art Sir James Bond?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis true. Thine English ist very fluent- be thou from ye land of ye Tsars, mayhap? Or can I suggest from ye Balkans or similar?
Damsel: Thou hast a good ear.
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis perfectly formed. What wouldst thou say to a little drink?
Damsel: Hello, little drink, methinks. (They walk through to ye bar, inside ye neighbouring casino.)
A Different Steward: And how can I help thee, sir and madam?
Sir James: A mead I shalt have- let it shaken be, and not stirred.
Damsel: For me, an Americano – ‘tis the least offensive of the musical comedy drinks. Bitter Campari, Cinzano, a large slice of lemon peel and soda.
Sir James: For ye soda, I always stipulate Perrier. Expensive soda water ist the cheapest way to improve a poor drink.
Damsel: This I shalt remember.
Sir James: Thou shalt dine with me forthwith. I prithee, art thou sleeping in this boarding house tonight?
Damsel: That, Sir James, ist for me to know and thee to find out.
Sir James: I bid thee greetings, Young Wizard.
Young Wizard: Thine attention I crave, Naught Naught Seven. Behold this enchanted Connect 4 piece!
Sir James: Um...?
Young Wizard: It shalt change colour to whatever ist most advantageous to thee in a game.
Sir James: And art thou certain this shalt be useful to me in mine quest?
Young Wizard: Thou doth remember ye dragons in thine last adventure...?
Sir James: Point taken. And what ist this, here?
Young Wizard: This be mine lunch! 'Tis a Caribbean recipe of spiced chicken.
Sir James: Spiced chicken? Surely thou doth jest!
Young Wizard: I ne'er jest about my jerk, Naught Naught Seven.
(Ye damsel departs. Sir James casts an eye over ye gaming tables. A man ist playing Connect4 and, apparently, winning. Sir James estimates him to be of Maori origin, between five-and-thirty and five-and fifty, and authoritative, cunning, ruthless and loyal. Another most beautiful maiden doth sit beside him)
Sir James: Ist this a private game, or may I join in?
Man: I prithee, join us, Sir...?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
Man: So! Of thee I have heard tell from mine boon companions. Thou may know me as Mann, Hench Mann.
Sir James: Then let us play! I shalt have ten thousand on ye next game. (There ist an audible drawing of breath from ye spectators. Yeoman Mann doth look at ye croupier, who gives an almost imperceptible nod.)
Yeoman Mann: Most confident thou art, Sir James.
Damsel: Hench, mine darling, thou didst promise me there wouldst be dancing and merriment tonight.
Yeoman Mann: Hush, Sacrificia, I must make sport. (Sir James notices an extra red piece concealed in Yeoman Mann’s sleeve.)
Sir James: Mayhap thou wouldst have no objection to... raising ye limit?
Yeoman Mann: But of course- double! (They play, Sir James using ye changeable colour piece supplied to him by ye Young Wizard, and naturally winning.)
Croupier: Twenty thousand to Sir James.
Sir James: I wouldst settle for being permitted to dance with Sacrificia and show her some merriment.
Yeoman Mann: Most grateful I am to thee, Sir James. (Sir James leads Sacrificia to ye dance floor.)
Sacrificia: Thine dancing ist sublime, Sir James.
Sir James: Thou art not too bad thineself. Tell me, how dost thee know Yeoman Mann?
Sacrificia: I didst meet him but a few weeks ago. Most attractive I didst find him, until I met you....
Sir James: Aye, with this I am familiar.
Sacrificia: Must we talk about him?
Sir James: Why, nay- I wouldst much rather talk about ye Comte de Blofeld. (Sacrificia gasps.)
Sir James: Thou hast heard ye name?
Sacrificia: Aye, 'tis so- of him Hench Mann hast much fear.
Sir James: And canst thou tell me where he can be found?
Sacrificia: He ist everywhere! He ist in ye pub talking to thine mates, he ist in ye market when thou doth buy thine groceries, he ist with thine children at school, he ist with Sir Boris of Johnson discussing Brexit!
Sir James: Could you be a bit more precise?
Sacrificia: He's in Dubrovnik.
Sir James: And of his plans hath ye heard tell?
Sacrificia: 'Tis very exciting. I’m not going to talk about it but I can’t remember being so excited. It’s going to be very, very special... Think ye Olympics.
Sir James: Olympics, eh? (Sir James notices Yeoman Mann approaching with two others. They do not appear pleased.)
Sir James: Methinks it may be time to go...
Sacrificia: I will see thee again?
Sir James: 'Tis possible! (Sir James exits swiftly, making for his carriage outside.)
(Sir James runs apace to his carriage, pursued by Yeoman Mann and his men, but find two more varlets standing waiting in his path. Quickly he turns into a narrow alleyway, now with all ye varlets pursuing. Suddenly an arm doth reach out and drag him into a doorway.)
Voice: Sssh... (Sir James keeps silent as his pursuers go down ye alley, straight past ye doorway where he and his mysterious confederate art hiding, then turns to see who his benefactor may be.)
Sir James: (Delighted.) Lord Felix! ‘Tis thee!
Lord Felix: It looked like thou could use a helping hand, Sir James. Most pleased am I to see thee.
Sir James: And I thee, but what art thou doing here?
Lord Felix: Why, I have been keeping mine eye that never sleeps on a certain Yeoman Mann- who if I be not mistaken was pursuing thee down this alley. Didst thou steal his ladyfriend, mayhap?
Sir James: Hmm, would I do such a thing?
Lord Felix: Yes, you bloody well would. Now, what art thou doing here?
Sir James: I do seek ye Comte de Blofeld, as ever.
Lord Felix: Mine information ist that he is-
Sir James: -in Dubrovnik, aye. Methinks we should pool our efforts and share our information.
Lord Felix: But of course. I do believe there ist a tavern handy, let us go there. Things should go smoothly, now.
Sir James: I do hope that you are Wright.
Lord Felix: Many people hope that I am Wright....
I thought some blaggards could be dispatched by a brigade of Bearskin hats, with them attacking like a pack
of trained dogs, .......... after all they've been trained to sit on soldiers heads for hours
"... very special. Think ye Olympics."
"Special Olympics? I know a man who competes in archery for the blind. It makes for very tense viewing.
I think both of these ideas could be put into the same scene later on- perhaps there's an assassination attempt by a blind (or blindfolded?) archer who gets set upon by the Bearskin hats?
Act 2, Scene 5. In ye boarding house, Sir James enters his chambers.
Sacrificia: Thou did say ‘twas possible we should meet again...
Sir James: Sacrificia! What art thou doing here?
Sacrificia: Nothing- at ye moment... But I did hope thou could do something about that.
Sir James: I trust I shalt rise to ye occasion.
Sacrificia: No doubt. But first, I must tell thee that Hench hast a meeting tomorrow at ye Centre Point tower- you know, the one in Dubrovnik. He would not say, but I believe ‘tis with ye Comte.
Sir James: Then there I must go- but first.... (They kiss, before a discreet interval.)
Sacrificia: That was wonderful, thou art truly ye best.
Sir James: Nobody does it better!
Sacrificia: May I have a drink, Sir James?
Sir James: But of course. I do believe I have a little something in mine valise... (Sir James rises and goes to ye table to open his valise, but ist knocked on his head by an unseen assailant and falls unconscious for some time.)
Sir James: (Awakening.) Mmm.... say that again, Felix.... thou knowest how it makes me... (Awakes.) ....what? Sacrificia... (Sir James groggily rises and goes to ye bed, where he doth find ye body of Sacrificia buried under a mound of Connect4 pieces. There ist a note on top.)
Sir James: (Reading.) “
...something witty, no doubt- any ideas? Doesn't have to be Connect4 pieces if it helps with the note.
Act 2, Scene 6. A villain’s lair. At the head of a long table, surrounded by his acolytes, sits ye Comte de Blofeld- charismatic, powerful, innovative, cosmopolitan, bright, cold and vindictive. Enter Yeoman Mann.
Yeoman Mann: I bid thee greetings, Comte.
Comte: What news dost thou bring'eth me, Yeoman Mann?
Yeoman Mann: ‘Twould appear that, er, an associate of mine did pass on information about thine whereabouts to Sir James Bond.
Comte: So naturally thou hast slain him- well done!
Yeoman Mann: Er, nay, mine liege, but I have slain her! I gave Sir James a strongly-worded letter of warning, that should make him back off.
Comte: (Facepalms.) ...a strongly-worded letter? To Sir James Bond???
Yeoman Mann: Aye, ‘tis so.
Comte: Mann... did I not say to thee some weeks ago that it would be terrible if some accident did befall Sir James?
Yeoman Mann: Aye, Comte, but ‘twould seem such did not come to pass.
Comte: ... and then did I not say that his death would greatly please me?
Yeoman Mann: Alack, he doth appear in good health.
Comte: Indeed. Mayhap I did not make myself clear enough. But no matter, I am sure that thine successor will have no difficulty in following mine instructions.
Yeoman Mann: Mine successor? (Enter Yeoman Hinx, rather scarred now but still very formidable. He walks up to Mann.)
Yeoman Mann: Oh, shi- (Yeoman Hinx effortlessly picks up Yeoman Mann with one hand and smashes him against the wall. His lifeless body slumps to ye floor.)
Comte: Tsk, tsk, what a mess. Yeoman Mitchell, Yeoman Webb- take this body away! (Two yeomen follow ye Comte’s orders.) Now, Yeoman Hinx- I take it thou knowest what needs to be done? (Yeoman Hinx nods and exits.)
Act 3, Scene 1.Sir James drives his carriage into Dubrovnik, and passes ye Centre Point.
Sir James: Hmm, a most impressive building. Four guards at ye door, a moat, and cannon at each corner. ‘Twould be good to assail it from above- mayhap in a modern state of the art version of ye tiny winged chariot ye Old Wizard did give me to fly over ye volcanoes in Japan...? Or some other modern tech, some of them look amazing! ‘Twould be most interesting. But nay, today that sort of thing hardly feels right, ‘tis exactly the kind of thing I need to avoid. (Sir James arrives at a grand boarding house, and is met by a doorman.)
Doorman: Hail, good sir, allow me to park thine carriage. A most magnificent steed thou doth have pulling it!
Sir James: Aye, but do not let her boss thee around. (Sir James enters ye boarding house and checks in, then doth head for ye bar.)
Steward: A drink, good sir?
Sir James: A mead, I prithee- let it shaken be and not stirred.
Damsel: So, we meet again Sir James.
Sir James: Most pleased I am to see thee again- mayhap this time thou will tell me thine name?
Damsel: Thou may know me as Hashtag MeOne.
Sir James: Not MeToo, then?
MeOne: Nay, that ist mine sister. I didst think that we would meet here in Dubrovnik, somehow.
Sir James: Me too, MeOne. I do have ye impression we art chasing ye same tiger, thou pulling on different tails.
MeOne: And I think yon tiger doth reside in yon tower thou wert studying a few moments ago?
Sir James: Um, most observant thou art. Thou shalt dine with me forthwith.
MeOne: I think it not, Sir James, though I cannot deny the thought hast crossed my mind. I have no doubt we shalt meet again before too long. (Exit MeOne. Sir James finishes his drink and walks thoughtfully from ye bar.)
Comments
A reckoning comes with the morn
Death seekist thee apace
Same lines.
Expire any Day Now
Kick the Bucket Daily
Actors in Shakespeare costume (or similar)- George Lazenby, Naomie Harris, Barry Nelson, Donald Pleasence, Barbara Bach, Daniel Craig, Louis Jourdan, Carole Bouquet, Pierce Brosnan.... in fact anyone who doesn't already have a pic included!
or
From a film of "Moll Flanders". Which one's best? (I think the first one)
I also found a nice one of Carole Bouquet, which is now included.
I managed to think of one and have put it in.
Have used both pics of DC, still looking for the others mentioned above.
Act 5, Scene 2. On the ocean, Sir James and Miss Hap approach Sir Gustav’s flagship in a small boat.
Miss Hap: I shalt tie our boat here. Quickly, Sir James, up ye rope and I shalt follow.
Sir James: Er... nay, you go first and I shalt follow.
Miss Hap: And why should this be so?
Sir James: Oh, no reason...
(They scale ye rope, Sir James enjoying his view.)
Sir James: Thou do climb like a cat, woman.
Miss Hap: Sssh, I'm trying to forget about that.
(They enter ye galleon.)
Sir James: I shalt find Sir Gustav- you find Miss Frosty.
Miss Hap: 'Twill be a pleasure.
Feel free to change this!
on meeting the Queen, sir James says
" Good to see you looking so Happy and Glorious "
"Only on seeing you Sir James, tis thee whom puts the great in Britain "
I thought some blaggards could be dispatched by a brigade of Bearskin hats, with them attacking like a pack
of trained dogs, .......... after all they've been trained to sit on soldiers heads for hours
Oh, I know just where to put that... or rather, you do!
Act 1, Scene 1. A most royal palace. From a hot-air balloon, several assailants descend on ropes and enter ye building. Apace, they make their way down a corridor only to be confronted by Her Majesty herself.
ER: Varlets! Thee will be sorry thou hast set foot here!
(In a fantastic display of combined martial arts, Her Majesty quickly dispatches ye varlets as from her private quarters Sir James Bond doth appear holding his weapon.)
Sir James: ‘Tis good to see thee looking so happy and glorious, Your Majesty.
ER: Only on seeing thee, Sir James, ‘tis thee who puts the Great in Britain. ‘Twould seem thine foster brother ist sending a message.
Sir James: Yes, ma’am.
ER: As if I did not have enough problems with my own family! Deal with this, Sir James.
Sir James: Ist that an order, ma’am?
ER: More of a Royal Command.
(Smiling, she doth point at the crest on Sir James's undergarments which reads “By appointment to Her Majesty.”)
ER: Now Sir James, let one help thee look for that stationery.
Sir James: How apt- from Royal Command to command performance...
Intermission. Maidens in and out of abbreviated clothing dance whilst an Englishman warbles.
Act 2, Scene 1. Ye throne room of Sir Gareth Mallory.
Maid Moneypenny: Thou art most late, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, I was...er... kept up at ye Palace.
Maid Moneypenny: Again...? Sir Gareth awaits thee, thou should attend apace.
Sir Gareth: I hear thou didst have a busy time at ye Palace, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: Aye, a busy Knight.
Sir Gareth: ‘Tis my belief that thine kinsman ye Comte de Blofeld wast behind this attack upon our monarchy. It has been three years since he didst escape from ye Tower, slaying thine ladyfriend Maid Madeleine in ye process.
Sir James: She wast ye daughter of an assassin- she would not have minded.
Sir Gareth: Thou must find this knave and slay him with no delay- thou didst have ye opportunity once, and didst not take it.
Sir James: This time ‘twill be different, mine liege.
Sir Gareth: Then proceed, Naught Naught Seven- apace! Most sure I am that Her Majesty willst be exceedingly grateful and seek to honour ye graciously.
Sir James: (Turns very pale.) ...again?
Sir Gareth: A rumour that he may be in the Balkans we have heard- thou should begin thine search there.
Maid Moneypenny: Thou art most late, Sir James.
Sir James: Aye, I was...er... kept up at ye Palace.
Maid Moneypenny: Again...? Was it "Arise" Sir James.
Sir James : I t'was elevated in the Ranks, so to speak.
Maid Moneypenny : Sir Gareth awaits thee, thou should attend apace.
Sir Gareth: I hear thou didst have a busy time at ye Palace, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: Aye, a busy Knight.
Sir Gareth: ‘Tis my belief that thine kinsman ye Comte de Blofeld wast behind this attack upon our monarchy. It has been three years since he didst escape from ye Tower, slaying thine ladyfriend Maid Madeleine in ye process.
Sir James: She wast ye daughter of an assassin- she would not have minded.
Sir Gareth: Thou must find this knave and slay him with no delay- thou didst have ye opportunity once, and didst not take it.
Sir James: This time ‘twill be different, mine liege.
Sir Gareth: Then proceed, Naught Naught Seven- apace! Most sure I am that Her Majesty willst be exceedingly grateful and seek to honour ye graciously.
Sir James: (Turns very pale.) ...again?
Sir Gareth: Rumblings in the Balkans we have heard
Sir James : Probably all that Goulash and spicy food sir.
Sir Gareth : Thou should begin thine search there.
Act 2, Scene 3. A grand boarding house in a foreign place.
Steward: And how may I help thee, good sir?
Sir James: A room thou hast for me, I doth believe. I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
(A most beautiful damsel doth overhear and approaches Sir James. She does appear intelligent, brave, fierce and charming, as well as witty and skilful.)
Damsel: So, thou art Sir James Bond?
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis true. Thine English ist very fluent- be thou from ye land of ye Tsars, mayhap? Or can I suggest from ye Balkans or similar?
Damsel: Thou hast a good ear.
Sir James: Aye, ‘tis perfectly formed. What wouldst thou say to a little drink?
Damsel: Hello, little drink, methinks.
(They walk through to ye bar, inside ye neighbouring casino.)
A Different Steward: And how can I help thee, sir and madam?
Sir James: A mead I shalt have- let it shaken be, and not stirred.
Damsel: For me, an Americano – ‘tis the least offensive of the musical comedy drinks. Bitter Campari, Cinzano, a large slice of lemon peel and soda.
Sir James: For ye soda, I always stipulate Perrier. Expensive soda water ist the cheapest way to improve a poor drink.
Damsel: This I shalt remember.
Sir James: Thou shalt dine with me forthwith. I prithee, art thou sleeping in this boarding house tonight?
Damsel: That, Sir James, ist for me to know and thee to find out.
Act 2, Scene 2. Ye lair of ye Young Wizard.
Sir James: I bid thee greetings, Young Wizard.
Young Wizard: Thine attention I crave, Naught Naught Seven. Behold this enchanted Connect 4 piece!
Sir James: Um...?
Young Wizard: It shalt change colour to whatever ist most advantageous to thee in a game.
Sir James: And art thou certain this shalt be useful to me in mine quest?
Young Wizard: Thou doth remember ye dragons in thine last adventure...?
Sir James: Point taken. And what ist this, here?
Young Wizard: This be mine lunch! 'Tis a Caribbean recipe of spiced chicken.
Sir James: Spiced chicken? Surely thou doth jest!
Young Wizard: I ne'er jest about my jerk, Naught Naught Seven.
Sir James: Ist this a private game, or may I join in?
Man: I prithee, join us, Sir...?
Sir James: I am he who is called Bond, James Bond.
Man: So! Of thee I have heard tell from mine boon companions. Thou may know me as Mann, Hench Mann.
Sir James: Then let us play! I shalt have ten thousand on ye next game.
(There ist an audible drawing of breath from ye spectators. Yeoman Mann doth look at ye croupier, who gives an almost imperceptible nod.)
Yeoman Mann: Most confident thou art, Sir James.
Damsel: Hench, mine darling, thou didst promise me there wouldst be dancing and merriment tonight.
Yeoman Mann: Hush, Sacrificia, I must make sport.
(Sir James notices an extra red piece concealed in Yeoman Mann’s sleeve.)
Sir James: Mayhap thou wouldst have no objection to... raising ye limit?
Yeoman Mann: But of course- double!
(They play, Sir James using ye changeable colour piece supplied to him by ye Young Wizard, and naturally winning.)
Croupier: Twenty thousand to Sir James.
Sir James: I wouldst settle for being permitted to dance with Sacrificia and show her some merriment.
Yeoman Mann: Most grateful I am to thee, Sir James.
(Sir James leads Sacrificia to ye dance floor.)
Sacrificia: Thine dancing ist sublime, Sir James.
Sir James: Thou art not too bad thineself. Tell me, how dost thee know Yeoman Mann?
Sacrificia: I didst meet him but a few weeks ago. Most attractive I didst find him, until I met you....
Sir James: Aye, with this I am familiar.
Sir James: Why, nay- I wouldst much rather talk about ye Comte de Blofeld.
(Sacrificia gasps.)
Sir James: Thou hast heard ye name?
Sacrificia: Aye, 'tis so- of him Hench Mann hast much fear.
Sir James: And canst thou tell me where he can be found?
Sacrificia: He ist everywhere! He ist in ye pub talking to thine mates, he ist in ye market when thou doth buy thine groceries, he ist with thine children at school, he ist with Sir Boris of Johnson discussing Brexit!
Sir James: Could you be a bit more precise?
Sacrificia: He's in Dubrovnik.
Sir James: And of his plans hath ye heard tell?
Sacrificia: 'Tis very exciting. I’m not going to talk about it but I can’t remember being so excited. It’s going to be very, very special... Think ye Olympics.
Sir James: Olympics, eh?
(Sir James notices Yeoman Mann approaching with two others. They do not appear pleased.)
Sir James: Methinks it may be time to go...
Sacrificia: I will see thee again?
Sir James: 'Tis possible!
(Sir James exits swiftly, making for his carriage outside.)
"Special Olympics? I know a man who competes in archery for the blind. It makes for very tense viewing.
(Sir James runs apace to his carriage, pursued by Yeoman Mann and his men, but find two more varlets standing waiting in his path. Quickly he turns into a narrow alleyway, now with all ye varlets pursuing. Suddenly an arm doth reach out and drag him into a doorway.)
Voice: Sssh...
(Sir James keeps silent as his pursuers go down ye alley, straight past ye doorway where he and his mysterious confederate art hiding, then turns to see who his benefactor may be.)
Sir James: (Delighted.) Lord Felix! ‘Tis thee!
Lord Felix: It looked like thou could use a helping hand, Sir James. Most pleased am I to see thee.
Sir James: And I thee, but what art thou doing here?
Lord Felix: Why, I have been keeping mine eye that never sleeps on a certain Yeoman Mann- who if I be not mistaken was pursuing thee down this alley. Didst thou steal his ladyfriend, mayhap?
Sir James: Hmm, would I do such a thing?
Lord Felix: Yes, you bloody well would. Now, what art thou doing here?
Sir James: I do seek ye Comte de Blofeld, as ever.
Lord Felix: Mine information ist that he is-
Sir James: -in Dubrovnik, aye. Methinks we should pool our efforts and share our information.
Lord Felix: But of course. I do believe there ist a tavern handy, let us go there. Things should go smoothly, now.
Sir James: I do hope that you are Wright.
Lord Felix: Many people hope that I am Wright....
I think both of these ideas could be put into the same scene later on- perhaps there's an assassination attempt by a blind (or blindfolded?) archer who gets set upon by the Bearskin hats?
Sacrificia: Thou did say ‘twas possible we should meet again...
Sir James: Sacrificia! What art thou doing here?
Sacrificia: Nothing- at ye moment... But I did hope thou could do something about that.
Sir James: I trust I shalt rise to ye occasion.
Sacrificia: No doubt. But first, I must tell thee that Hench hast a meeting tomorrow at ye Centre Point tower- you know, the one in Dubrovnik. He would not say, but I believe ‘tis with ye Comte.
Sir James: Then there I must go- but first....
(They kiss, before a discreet interval.)
Sacrificia: That was wonderful, thou art truly ye best.
Sir James: Nobody does it better!
Sacrificia: May I have a drink, Sir James?
Sir James: But of course. I do believe I have a little something in mine valise...
(Sir James rises and goes to ye table to open his valise, but ist knocked on his head by an unseen assailant and falls unconscious for some time.)
Sir James: (Awakening.) Mmm.... say that again, Felix.... thou knowest how it makes me... (Awakes.) ....what? Sacrificia...
(Sir James groggily rises and goes to ye bed, where he doth find ye body of Sacrificia buried under a mound of Connect4 pieces. There ist a note on top.)
Sir James: (Reading.) “
...something witty, no doubt- any ideas? Doesn't have to be Connect4 pieces if it helps with the note.
Yeoman Mann: I bid thee greetings, Comte.
Comte: What news dost thou bring'eth me, Yeoman Mann?
Yeoman Mann: ‘Twould appear that, er, an associate of mine did pass on information about thine whereabouts to Sir James Bond.
Comte: So naturally thou hast slain him- well done!
Yeoman Mann: Er, nay, mine liege, but I have slain her! I gave Sir James a strongly-worded letter of warning, that should make him back off.
Comte: (Facepalms.) ...a strongly-worded letter? To Sir James Bond???
Yeoman Mann: Aye, ‘tis so.
Comte: Mann... did I not say to thee some weeks ago that it would be terrible if some accident did befall Sir James?
Yeoman Mann: Aye, Comte, but ‘twould seem such did not come to pass.
Comte: ... and then did I not say that his death would greatly please me?
Yeoman Mann: Alack, he doth appear in good health.
Comte: Indeed. Mayhap I did not make myself clear enough. But no matter, I am sure that thine successor will have no difficulty in following mine instructions.
Yeoman Mann: Mine successor?
(Enter Yeoman Hinx, rather scarred now but still very formidable. He walks up to Mann.)
Yeoman Mann: Oh, shi-
(Yeoman Hinx effortlessly picks up Yeoman Mann with one hand and smashes him against the wall. His lifeless body slumps to ye floor.)
Comte: Tsk, tsk, what a mess. Yeoman Mitchell, Yeoman Webb- take this body away! (Two yeomen follow ye Comte’s orders.) Now, Yeoman Hinx- I take it thou knowest what needs to be done?
(Yeoman Hinx nods and exits.)
Sir James: Hmm, a most impressive building. Four guards at ye door, a moat, and cannon at each corner. ‘Twould be good to assail it from above- mayhap in a modern state of the art version of ye tiny winged chariot ye Old Wizard did give me to fly over ye volcanoes in Japan...? Or some other modern tech, some of them look amazing! ‘Twould be most interesting. But nay, today that sort of thing hardly feels right, ‘tis exactly the kind of thing I need to avoid.
(Sir James arrives at a grand boarding house, and is met by a doorman.)
Doorman: Hail, good sir, allow me to park thine carriage. A most magnificent steed thou doth have pulling it!
Sir James: Aye, but do not let her boss thee around.
(Sir James enters ye boarding house and checks in, then doth head for ye bar.)
Steward: A drink, good sir?
Sir James: A mead, I prithee- let it shaken be and not stirred.
Damsel: So, we meet again Sir James.
Sir James: Most pleased I am to see thee again- mayhap this time thou will tell me thine name?
Damsel: Thou may know me as Hashtag MeOne.
Sir James: Not MeToo, then?
MeOne: Nay, that ist mine sister. I didst think that we would meet here in Dubrovnik, somehow.
Sir James: Me too, MeOne. I do have ye impression we art chasing ye same tiger, thou pulling on different tails.
MeOne: And I think yon tiger doth reside in yon tower thou wert studying a few moments ago?
Sir James: Um, most observant thou art. Thou shalt dine with me forthwith.
MeOne: I think it not, Sir James, though I cannot deny the thought hast crossed my mind. I have no doubt we shalt meet again before too long.
(Exit MeOne. Sir James finishes his drink and walks thoughtfully from ye bar.)