This is all by Bride Of Barbel. I only edited, etc.
1979. The Amazon rain forest. A zoologist makes his way through dense vegetation. Using a machete, he cuts aside vines blocking his path. Twice he is nearly bitten by snakes. To cross the upper reaches of the River Tiperape he manages to make a crude raft, from which he watches nervously as the piranha fish bite at his oar.
On the other side, he searches around near the water’s edge, sometimes using a magnifying glass to see the miniscule plants and animals there. At last he exclaims with delight, produces a small glass bottle and scoops up what he has found.
Again he takes to his raft, avoiding the ever-alert piranha which are very hungry. He lands and begins making his way through the forest again, finally emerging at a small camp distinguished only by a number of cages surrounding it. These have jaguars, sloths, and other local fauna- and in each cage there are are always two.
He heads for the main tent.
Our Man: Hello! Robinson!
(Another zoologist emerges.)
Robinson: Carruthers! You’ve been gone such a long time, I was beginning to despair of seeing you again.
Carruthers: It was a very difficult trip, I can tell you, but I think you’ll be pleased with the results. Here!
(He hands over the bottle and Robinson examines it. Within the bottle is a small frog, with yellow spots all over.)
Carruthers: Beautiful, isn’t it?
Robinson: Carruthers-
Carruthers: The Amazonian Lesser Yellow Spotted Frog.
Robinson: But Carruthers-
Carruthers: A very rare species indeed.
Robinson: But male, Carruthers, male. We have a male already.
Carruthers: What?
Robinson: We were specifically instructed to bring back two of each species, male and female- two males are no use!
Carruthers: But-
Robinson: Take this one back where you found it and go look for a female. Then come back here!
(Carruthers sadly takes his frog in a bottle and goes back to his weary journey through the jungle. Again he uses a machete, again he avoids snakes, and once more finds his raft which he tiredly navigates across the river to the excitement of the local piranha. Landing on the opposite shore, he glumly sets the frog free and goes looking again.
Eventually he finds another. He checks several times to be sure that this is definitely a female before putting it into the bottle and going back to the raft. His oar has got much smaller by this time, but it’s enough to get him to safety- if it can be called safety when there are poisonous snakes and threatening vines to negotiate before, once again, he emerges at the camp.)
Carruthers: (Exhaustedly.) Robinson! I’m back!
(Robinson emerges.)
Robinson: So you are, Carruthers, so you are.
(Carruthers proudly displays the frog in a bottle.)
Carruthers: Here you are- an Amazonian Lesser Yellow Spotted Frog and this time it is definitely a female. No mistake.
(Robinson takes the bottle and examines the entrapped amphibian.)
Robinson: Yes, you are correct, Carruthers. This one is most certainly a female.
(He opens the bottle and lets the frog hop away.)
Carruthers: What????
Robinson: (Sadly.) While you were away we had a message from our sponsor, Mr Hugo Drax. Take a look around, Carruthers, notice anything different?
Carruthers: (Looking around.) The cages- they, they’re all empty!
Robinson: Just so. (He sighs.) It seems that the laboratory team working for Mr Drax have come up with a breakthrough- something to do with orchids, I understand- and he will no longer be needing two of each kind of animal.
Carruthers: Is this some kind of a joke?
Robinson: If it is, I find his sense of humour difficult to follow.
Carruthers: I’d like to meet Mr Drax and see that some harm comes to him.
Robinson: Now, now, Carruthers. Come and let’s have a cucumber sandwich.
Absolutely brilliant, Barbel. Mrs CHB is honoured, as I am, to be in one of your imaginary conversations, although she says usually I’m shouting out Aki or Fiona in my Bondian dreams 😜
And my dream has foretold me who the next Bond will be….it’s…umm…oh, it’s…😴
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
1962: M’s Office. M and Boothroyd sit across from each other at M’s desk. Bond has just left with his Walther PPK leaving his Beretta behind.
M: So you had nothing else to give to 007?
Boothroyd: No, sir. Nothing else.
M: How’s the briefcase coming along?
B: Still having trouble with the tear gas cartridges.
M: The Aston Martin?
B: Still having trouble with the ejector seat, sir.
M: The rebreather? The jetpack? The homing pill?
B: All still on the drawing board, sir.
M: Hmmph! Off you go, Boothroyd.
Boothroyd leaves the office. M presses a button on the intercom.
M: Moneypenny, who’s the second in command in the quartermaster section?
Moneypenny: Boothroyd, sir.
M: But he’s just left, I said the second in command.
Moneypenny: Ah! Boothroyd is the codename for all the staff in the quartermaster section, sir. The present head is called Peter. The second in command is Desmond.
M: Bloody stupid. They’ll be called Q from now on. That section is not being run properly. Agents going out into the field with no gadgets, it’s preposterous. Give Peter his cards. Promote Desmond to head of Q section.We’ll see how long he lasts.
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
Teacher: Right class, it’s time for Occupational Guidance. We’re going to find out what career you have in mind, and how we can help you achieve it. Now, who’s first….? How about you, Mathilde?
Mathilde: Yes, ma’am.
Teacher: Any thoughts on what occupation you would like to pursue?
Mathilde: I haven’t really thought about it, ma’am.
Teacher: Well, what does your father do, then?
Mathilde: He’s believed to be dead, ma’am.
Teacher: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.
Mathilde: I only knew him for a short time. Mother said he was a civil servant.
Teacher: That doesn’t sound very interesting.
Mathilde: I know he drove cars, very fast.
Teacher: A racing driver?
Mathilde: Not exactly.
Teacher: Anything else?
Mathilde: I saw him shoot people.
Teacher: (Shocked.) Shoot people?
Mathilde: Well, they were trying to shoot us.
Teacher: Perhaps we should try something else. What did your grandfather do?
Mathilde: He built secret rooms in buildings.
Teacher: Let’s try…. what does your mother do?
Mathilde: She’s a psychologist… or maybe a psychiatrist.
Teacher: There’s quite a bit of difference between those two occupations.
Mathilde: Not according to Eon Productions there isn’t.
This was in collaboration with the 24 and only Number24.
October 18th, 2022. Buckingham Palace. Princess Anne is dishing out the latest round of medals and awards. Two equerries stand at the side, waiting to assist.
1st Equerry: So, who’s next?
2nd Equerry: Oh, it’s that guy who used to pretend to be James Bond.
1st Equerry: What??? The Australian one???
2nd Equerry: No, not him- the recent one.
1st Equerry: Oh, him. Why is he getting a CMG, for killing off Bond? That’s like giving Lenin a medal for his services to the Russian royal family!
2nd Equerry: You know Craig was handed the part because that Salad, er, Broccoli woman thought he looked convincing as a man plotting to kill the first Queen Elizabeth?
1st Equerry: Maybe he's getting a medal for leaving the role as James Bond?
2nd Equerry: I wonder if there's any truth to the rumour that the late Queen didn't know he was wearing a 'chute when she pushed him out of that helicopter?
1st Equerry: Ha! Now, don’t forget about the height difference.
2nd Equerry: Okay, I’ll get a box ready.
1st Equerry: No, you fool, the box was for him to stand on, not her!
1971. Outside a hotel in Las Vegas. Two policemen stand together, smoking cigarettes.
1st Cop: Always the same, this shift.
2nd Cop: Yeah, you’re right. Same shift, different day.
1st Cop: How come we always draw the short straw?
2nd Cop: Just the way it goes, pal, just the way it goes.
1st Cop: Yeah, well, mebbe someday it’ll get a bit more exciting round here.
2nd Cop: You never know.
(A girl comes plummeting out of the sky and splash lands in a nearby pool.)
1st Cop: Holy crap!
2nd Cop: Did you see that?
(They start running towards the pool.)
1st Cop: That was a girl, diving outta plane without a parachute!
2nd Cop: No way, she came outta one of them windows up there.
1st Cop: And she was naked- naked as the day she was born!
2nd Cop: Nah, she had stuff on.
1st Cop: Didn’t.
2nd Cop: Ten bucks says she did.
1st Cop: You’re on.
(The girl comes spluttering to the edge of the pool where the two policemen help pull her out and throw a towel around her. Dripping but determined, she goes off in search of the hotel room registered to a certain Peter Franks.)
1st Cop: Ten bucks you owe me.
2nd Cop: Ya blind? She had little filmy panties on and big high heel shoes.
1962. Eon HQ. It’s just an office, the big money hasn’t started rolling in yet.
Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present
….ly have to come up with the next title to be filmed.
Cubby: You know, Harry, we should plan ahead. If “Dr No” is as big a success as we hope it will be then we should decide which of Fleming’s books we should film next.
Harry: Yes, you’re right. What about “Live And Let Die”?
Cubby: Not that one- the time isn’t right for a story as racially charged as that.
Harry: Well, then, why don’t we do “Thunderball”? Nuclear bombs, exotic locations, it’s perfect!
Cubby: Oh yes, it’s perfect all right- except that Kevin McClory has the rights to that one.
Harry: The first one, then- “Casino Royale”!
Cubby: Harry, we can’t do that one either- a guy called Charlie Feldman has the rights to that one.
Harry: Didn’t we pay a lot of money for those rights? What is there that we CAN do?
Cubby: Well, there’s “Goldfinger”.
Harry: We’d need a big budget for that- planes, Fort Knox, all that gold. If our next one makes a lot of money then we could afford to do “Goldfinger” after it. What’s Fleming’s latest called?
Cubby: “The Spy Who Loved Me”.
Harry: Right, let’s do that then!
Cubby: Harry, have you read it??? We can’t do that!!!
Harry: So what do we have, then?
Cubby: “From Russia With Love”. It’s well known- President Kennedy just named it as one of his ten favourite books.
It would be interesting to see how the series would have evolved had the films been made in a different order. I think they picked the right one with DN to lead off with, though.
Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
Yes, for sure. While obviously I was only having fun above, there's some truth in it-
CR and TB were unusable with the rights belonging to others. GF, I think, might have been too expensive as their second film. The time wasn't right for LALD for obvious reasons. Fleming didn't want TSWLM used, bar the title.
A faithful version of MR would have lacked exotic locations and needed expensive special effects. They might not have wanted to delve into the short stories since apart from FYEO their titles wouldn't have been well known and FYEO had been the lowest selling Bond book thus far.
Which leaves DAF and FRWL. I think they made the correct choice! With FRWL being such a big success they would have a bigger budget for GF.
The next film planned was OHMSS, but at this point Cubby and Harry were approached by
He who must not be named (see @Asp9mm , I'm behaving) to do a joint TB production. Not wanting competition from a rival Bond film, they agreed and shelved OHMSS.
With that out of the way (and very profitably, too) they planned once again to shoot OHMSS (turning down an offer from Charles K. Feldman to produce CR in partnership since they had just done that for TB) but the weather conditions in Switzerland were unsuitable so YOLT became next, and OHMSS was finally filmed afterwards.
Okay, I'll stop there but my point is that Eon didn't have a completely free choice for the order in which the films were made.
Mr Big: Just find a way to get rid of him before we invite Mr Bond to join us.
Tee Hee: No problem, boss.
Mr Big: (Presses a button on intercom.) Whisper, get in here.
(Whisper enters.)
Whisper: Yes, boss?
Mr Big: What? Oh right, never mind. Whisper, I’m going to call for you in a few minutes. In that chair there (Points.) you will find James Bond. You’ve met him before. Tee Hee will have knocked him out. You pick him up and take him out to one of the cars, which Tee Hee, Adam, and a couple of the guys will use to drive him out to the crocodile farm. Got it?
Whisper: This is the same guy I tried to kill driving from the airport in New York?
Mr Big: That’s him.
Whisper: Then later you had me plant a snake in his room in San Monique?
Mr Big: Same guy.
Whisper: Look, boss, how about I just shoot him?
Mr Big: Look, Whisper-
Whisper: This is the third time we’ve tried to kill this guy. Wouldn’t it be much easier if I just got a gun and-
Mr Big: Enough, Whisper! Get out and wait till I signal you!
(Whisper leaves, dejectedly. Mr Big turns to Tee Hee.)
Mr Big: I’m beginning to get a little worried about him….
Comments
This is all by Bride Of Barbel. I only edited, etc.
1979. The Amazon rain forest. A zoologist makes his way through dense vegetation. Using a machete, he cuts aside vines blocking his path. Twice he is nearly bitten by snakes. To cross the upper reaches of the River Tiperape he manages to make a crude raft, from which he watches nervously as the piranha fish bite at his oar.
On the other side, he searches around near the water’s edge, sometimes using a magnifying glass to see the miniscule plants and animals there. At last he exclaims with delight, produces a small glass bottle and scoops up what he has found.
Again he takes to his raft, avoiding the ever-alert piranha which are very hungry. He lands and begins making his way through the forest again, finally emerging at a small camp distinguished only by a number of cages surrounding it. These have jaguars, sloths, and other local fauna- and in each cage there are are always two.
He heads for the main tent.
Our Man: Hello! Robinson!
(Another zoologist emerges.)
Robinson: Carruthers! You’ve been gone such a long time, I was beginning to despair of seeing you again.
Carruthers: It was a very difficult trip, I can tell you, but I think you’ll be pleased with the results. Here!
(He hands over the bottle and Robinson examines it. Within the bottle is a small frog, with yellow spots all over.)
Carruthers: Beautiful, isn’t it?
Robinson: Carruthers-
Carruthers: The Amazonian Lesser Yellow Spotted Frog.
Robinson: But Carruthers-
Carruthers: A very rare species indeed.
Robinson: But male, Carruthers, male. We have a male already.
Carruthers: What?
Robinson: We were specifically instructed to bring back two of each species, male and female- two males are no use!
Carruthers: But-
Robinson: Take this one back where you found it and go look for a female. Then come back here!
(Carruthers sadly takes his frog in a bottle and goes back to his weary journey through the jungle. Again he uses a machete, again he avoids snakes, and once more finds his raft which he tiredly navigates across the river to the excitement of the local piranha. Landing on the opposite shore, he glumly sets the frog free and goes looking again.
Eventually he finds another. He checks several times to be sure that this is definitely a female before putting it into the bottle and going back to the raft. His oar has got much smaller by this time, but it’s enough to get him to safety- if it can be called safety when there are poisonous snakes and threatening vines to negotiate before, once again, he emerges at the camp.)
Carruthers: (Exhaustedly.) Robinson! I’m back!
(Robinson emerges.)
Robinson: So you are, Carruthers, so you are.
(Carruthers proudly displays the frog in a bottle.)
Carruthers: Here you are- an Amazonian Lesser Yellow Spotted Frog and this time it is definitely a female. No mistake.
(Robinson takes the bottle and examines the entrapped amphibian.)
Robinson: Yes, you are correct, Carruthers. This one is most certainly a female.
(He opens the bottle and lets the frog hop away.)
Carruthers: What????
Robinson: (Sadly.) While you were away we had a message from our sponsor, Mr Hugo Drax. Take a look around, Carruthers, notice anything different?
Carruthers: (Looking around.) The cages- they, they’re all empty!
Robinson: Just so. (He sighs.) It seems that the laboratory team working for Mr Drax have come up with a breakthrough- something to do with orchids, I understand- and he will no longer be needing two of each kind of animal.
Carruthers: Is this some kind of a joke?
Robinson: If it is, I find his sense of humour difficult to follow.
Carruthers: I’d like to meet Mr Drax and see that some harm comes to him.
Robinson: Now, now, Carruthers. Come and let’s have a cucumber sandwich.
Bride of Barbel has potential...
I like these background stories - excellent stuff, Bride 😁😁😁
The Bride says thank you, gentlemen. 👍
This is for @CoolHandBond
2023. A limousine travelling from Buckingham Palace.
The King: Dear oh dear, I do hate these things.
Queen Consort: We do have to attend, my love. They are very good for British industry.
The King: One isn’t sure. I don’t know how Mummy and Daddy stood it for so many years. I don’t suppose we could have sent Wills and Kate?
Queen Consort: No, it has to be us.
The King: Or maybe Harry and… (He sees the look on her face.) … well, maybe not.
(There is a pause.)
The King: Well, there’s always Andr-
Queen Consort: Oh for heaven’s sake, Charles!!!!
The King: Sorry, Camilla, just a thought.
Queen Consort: Just relax, Charles, you’ll enjoy yourself.
The King: Still, they picked a most provocative title. “For King And Country”, how did they think of that?
Queen Consort: That is why we have to be there. And it’s better than the alternative.
The King: Alternative? What was that?
Queen Consort: “On His Majesty’s Secret Service”.
The King: Awful! Just awful.
Queen Consort: Now, get ready, we’re almost there.
The King: Will we have to look pleased to meet those terrible Broccoli people?
Queen Consort: Yes, Charles. Smile and look pleased.
The King: Yes, dear.
Queen Consort: One consolation- we will meet the new chap they have picked to play James Bond.
The King: Oh, that’s right. Who was it again?
Queen Consort: Well, it was-
Mrs CHB: CoolHand! CoolHand!
CHB: (Waking.) What? Eh? Vodka martini, shaken not… (He falls asleep again.)
Mrs CHB: Wake up! You’re having that dream again!
CHB: (Instantly awake.) What? You mean there won’t be a new James Bond film next year?
Mrs CHB: I’m afraid not, and probably not the year after either…. Now wait, stop crying, I’ll get a handkerchief.
😉
Very good. 🤣🤣😐
The Bride should write more.
😂😁😂😁😂😁
Absolutely brilliant, Barbel. Mrs CHB is honoured, as I am, to be in one of your imaginary conversations, although she says usually I’m shouting out Aki or Fiona in my Bondian dreams 😜
And my dream has foretold me who the next Bond will be….it’s…umm…oh, it’s…😴
😁😁😁 Thanks, CHB. Let's see if I can come up with another one- no ideas at the moment.
I'm taking some time out (going to Germany) so there'll be a break in the Imaginary Conversations - but everyone, please feel free to fill the gap! 😁
1962: M’s Office. M and Boothroyd sit across from each other at M’s desk. Bond has just left with his Walther PPK leaving his Beretta behind.
M: So you had nothing else to give to 007?
Boothroyd: No, sir. Nothing else.
M: How’s the briefcase coming along?
B: Still having trouble with the tear gas cartridges.
M: The Aston Martin?
B: Still having trouble with the ejector seat, sir.
M: The rebreather? The jetpack? The homing pill?
B: All still on the drawing board, sir.
M: Hmmph! Off you go, Boothroyd.
Boothroyd leaves the office. M presses a button on the intercom.
M: Moneypenny, who’s the second in command in the quartermaster section?
Moneypenny: Boothroyd, sir.
M: But he’s just left, I said the second in command.
Moneypenny: Ah! Boothroyd is the codename for all the staff in the quartermaster section, sir. The present head is called Peter. The second in command is Desmond.
M: Bloody stupid. They’ll be called Q from now on. That section is not being run properly. Agents going out into the field with no gadgets, it’s preposterous. Give Peter his cards. Promote Desmond to head of Q section.We’ll see how long he lasts.
Nice one, CHB. I'll come up with a new one soon!
2026. A school in Norway.
Teacher: Right class, it’s time for Occupational Guidance. We’re going to find out what career you have in mind, and how we can help you achieve it. Now, who’s first….? How about you, Mathilde?
Mathilde: Yes, ma’am.
Teacher: Any thoughts on what occupation you would like to pursue?
Mathilde: I haven’t really thought about it, ma’am.
Teacher: Well, what does your father do, then?
Mathilde: He’s believed to be dead, ma’am.
Teacher: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.
Mathilde: I only knew him for a short time. Mother said he was a civil servant.
Teacher: That doesn’t sound very interesting.
Mathilde: I know he drove cars, very fast.
Teacher: A racing driver?
Mathilde: Not exactly.
Teacher: Anything else?
Mathilde: I saw him shoot people.
Teacher: (Shocked.) Shoot people?
Mathilde: Well, they were trying to shoot us.
Teacher: Perhaps we should try something else. What did your grandfather do?
Mathilde: He built secret rooms in buildings.
Teacher: Let’s try…. what does your mother do?
Mathilde: She’s a psychologist… or maybe a psychiatrist.
Teacher: There’s quite a bit of difference between those two occupations.
Mathilde: Not according to Eon Productions there isn’t.
hooray for the further adventures of Mathilde (Mata) Bond!
Thank you, Barbel…and welcome back, you have been missed.
Thanks, CHB 😊
This was in collaboration with the 24 and only Number24.
October 18th, 2022. Buckingham Palace. Princess Anne is dishing out the latest round of medals and awards. Two equerries stand at the side, waiting to assist.
1st Equerry: So, who’s next?
2nd Equerry: Oh, it’s that guy who used to pretend to be James Bond.
1st Equerry: What??? The Australian one???
2nd Equerry: No, not him- the recent one.
1st Equerry: Oh, him. Why is he getting a CMG, for killing off Bond? That’s like giving Lenin a medal for his services to the Russian royal family!
2nd Equerry: You know Craig was handed the part because that Salad, er, Broccoli woman thought he looked convincing as a man plotting to kill the first Queen Elizabeth?
1st Equerry: Maybe he's getting a medal for leaving the role as James Bond?
2nd Equerry: I wonder if there's any truth to the rumour that the late Queen didn't know he was wearing a 'chute when she pushed him out of that helicopter?
1st Equerry: Ha! Now, don’t forget about the height difference.
2nd Equerry: Okay, I’ll get a box ready.
1st Equerry: No, you fool, the box was for him to stand on, not her!
2nd Equerry: He IS standing on the box!
1971. Outside a hotel in Las Vegas. Two policemen stand together, smoking cigarettes.
1st Cop: Always the same, this shift.
2nd Cop: Yeah, you’re right. Same shift, different day.
1st Cop: How come we always draw the short straw?
2nd Cop: Just the way it goes, pal, just the way it goes.
1st Cop: Yeah, well, mebbe someday it’ll get a bit more exciting round here.
2nd Cop: You never know.
(A girl comes plummeting out of the sky and splash lands in a nearby pool.)
1st Cop: Holy crap!
2nd Cop: Did you see that?
(They start running towards the pool.)
1st Cop: That was a girl, diving outta plane without a parachute!
2nd Cop: No way, she came outta one of them windows up there.
1st Cop: And she was naked- naked as the day she was born!
2nd Cop: Nah, she had stuff on.
1st Cop: Didn’t.
2nd Cop: Ten bucks says she did.
1st Cop: You’re on.
(The girl comes spluttering to the edge of the pool where the two policemen help pull her out and throw a towel around her. Dripping but determined, she goes off in search of the hotel room registered to a certain Peter Franks.)
1st Cop: Ten bucks you owe me.
2nd Cop: Ya blind? She had little filmy panties on and big high heel shoes.
1st Cop: That’s nothin’.
2nd Cop: No- that’s plenty.
That's plenty funny. 😂
Well done Barbel. Nice puns and a clever use of the word shift and what it sounds like.
One note though. In the US it's panties for women's underwear. We use pants as a synonym for trousers.
Thanks, W_D, I've corrected that (and, as we say over here, not got my knickers in a twist about it). 😁
Plenty thanks, N24!
Very good, Barbel 😂😂😂 but filmy panties? Do you mean flimsy? Either way, Plenty is gorgeous.
Picture below has been added in error and I can’t delete it.
Thanks, CHB, and I definitely meant "filmy" but "flimsy" is also okay with me.
1962. Eon HQ. It’s just an office, the big money hasn’t started rolling in yet.
Harry Saltzman & Albert R. Broccoli present
….ly have to come up with the next title to be filmed.
Cubby: You know, Harry, we should plan ahead. If “Dr No” is as big a success as we hope it will be then we should decide which of Fleming’s books we should film next.
Harry: Yes, you’re right. What about “Live And Let Die”?
Cubby: Not that one- the time isn’t right for a story as racially charged as that.
Harry: Well, then, why don’t we do “Thunderball”? Nuclear bombs, exotic locations, it’s perfect!
Cubby: Oh yes, it’s perfect all right- except that Kevin McClory has the rights to that one.
Harry: The first one, then- “Casino Royale”!
Cubby: Harry, we can’t do that one either- a guy called Charlie Feldman has the rights to that one.
Harry: Didn’t we pay a lot of money for those rights? What is there that we CAN do?
Cubby: Well, there’s “Goldfinger”.
Harry: We’d need a big budget for that- planes, Fort Knox, all that gold. If our next one makes a lot of money then we could afford to do “Goldfinger” after it. What’s Fleming’s latest called?
Cubby: “The Spy Who Loved Me”.
Harry: Right, let’s do that then!
Cubby: Harry, have you read it??? We can’t do that!!!
Harry: So what do we have, then?
Cubby: “From Russia With Love”. It’s well known- President Kennedy just named it as one of his ten favourite books.
Harry: “From Russia With Love”, eh?
Cubby: Yes, let’s do that one.
Harry: Good, I’ve always wanted to go to Russia.
Cubby: We’re going to Istanbul.
Harry: Aw!
It would be interesting to see how the series would have evolved had the films been made in a different order. I think they picked the right one with DN to lead off with, though.
Yes, for sure. While obviously I was only having fun above, there's some truth in it-
CR and TB were unusable with the rights belonging to others. GF, I think, might have been too expensive as their second film. The time wasn't right for LALD for obvious reasons. Fleming didn't want TSWLM used, bar the title.
A faithful version of MR would have lacked exotic locations and needed expensive special effects. They might not have wanted to delve into the short stories since apart from FYEO their titles wouldn't have been well known and FYEO had been the lowest selling Bond book thus far.
Which leaves DAF and FRWL. I think they made the correct choice! With FRWL being such a big success they would have a bigger budget for GF.
The next film planned was OHMSS, but at this point Cubby and Harry were approached by
He who must not be named (see @Asp9mm , I'm behaving) to do a joint TB production. Not wanting competition from a rival Bond film, they agreed and shelved OHMSS.
With that out of the way (and very profitably, too) they planned once again to shoot OHMSS (turning down an offer from Charles K. Feldman to produce CR in partnership since they had just done that for TB) but the weather conditions in Switzerland were unsuitable so YOLT became next, and OHMSS was finally filmed afterwards.
Okay, I'll stop there but my point is that Eon didn't have a completely free choice for the order in which the films were made.
2015...ish. Madeleine takes James to a wedding fair.
Madeleine: Oh, James, I’m so happy we cleared up that silly little misunderstanding in Matera.
James: Yes, me too.
Madeleine: And I’m so glad we’re going to be married!
James: Er, yes, me too.
Madeleine: And now let’s enjoy this wedding fair- let’s see if we can get any ideas!
James: But of course, Madeleine.
Madeleine: Look, here’s a beautiful cake!
James: No, that reminds me of one I saw a long time ago.
Madeleine: Oh, look at those pretty butterflies.
James: Butterflies…
Madeleine: Oh come on, James, everybody loves butterflies!
James: Perhaps not everyone.
Madeleine: Well, we do have to choose rings.
James: But of course we do.
Madeleine: Do you like that one?
James: (His jaw drops.) That one???
Madeleine: Yes, see, we can have a matching pair!
James: Look, Madeleine, let’s talk about something else.
Madeleine: Oh! All right, if that’s what you want. Look, over there, let’s go and see the men’s suits.
James: All right.
Madeleine: There’s a beautiful one in grey, with a top hat.
James: Not that one.
Madeleine: Well, there’s one in black.
James: Let me think about that one for a while.
Madeleine: Of course. We have all the time in the… James! Where are you going?
1973. Below the “Fillet Of Soul” in New Orleans.
Mr Big: Tee Hee, are you sure Bond is on the way?
Tee Hee: Yes, boss, and that Leiter fella, too.
Mr Big: Just find a way to get rid of him before we invite Mr Bond to join us.
Tee Hee: No problem, boss.
Mr Big: (Presses a button on intercom.) Whisper, get in here.
(Whisper enters.)
Whisper: Yes, boss?
Mr Big: What? Oh right, never mind. Whisper, I’m going to call for you in a few minutes. In that chair there (Points.) you will find James Bond. You’ve met him before. Tee Hee will have knocked him out. You pick him up and take him out to one of the cars, which Tee Hee, Adam, and a couple of the guys will use to drive him out to the crocodile farm. Got it?
Whisper: This is the same guy I tried to kill driving from the airport in New York?
Mr Big: That’s him.
Whisper: Then later you had me plant a snake in his room in San Monique?
Mr Big: Same guy.
Whisper: Look, boss, how about I just shoot him?
Mr Big: Look, Whisper-
Whisper: This is the third time we’ve tried to kill this guy. Wouldn’t it be much easier if I just got a gun and-
Mr Big: Enough, Whisper! Get out and wait till I signal you!
(Whisper leaves, dejectedly. Mr Big turns to Tee Hee.)
Mr Big: I’m beginning to get a little worried about him….
😁😁😁
Good one, Barbel. It’s best to forget logic when it comes to movies, though!
Especially James Bond movies. 😁 Thanks, CHB!