Imaginary Conversations

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  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent
    edited September 1

    Make her boots bigger... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    The posters themselves could spawn an entire series of Imaginary Conversations...

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    Well, if you insist...


    1979. Eon Productions, Publicity Department.

    Bob: (On phone.) Ah hello, Mr Broccoli, it’s Bob here…. Good, you got the poster, then? …. Well, I did as you said. You can just see that he’s wearing a tuxedo underneath the spacesuit, but I have to say that I think that would be terribly hot and not very practical… Ok, you’re the boss. Also, I did put Jaws in but I think the position looks very unreal… Ah, yes, of course. I’d forgotten that we’re in space… Girls? Well, how many girls? At least three, you say… In addition to the leading lady … Can I have them just floating about, like Jaws? … All right, will do….. Yes, of course I’ll have them wearing less than Bond is… Drax? The main villain, you mean?… Do you want him with a gun? … No? Not even a laser?… Ok, he can just point, then… Anything else? …. The colour of Goodhead’s dress? What’s wrong with it?….


    Ok, I’ll change that to silver, then … And I’ll put another space shuttle in…. His name? Well I’ve got “James Bond 007” in big lettering, everyone will know who he is! …. Oh, on the spacesuit. Yes, I’ll put his name on the spacesuit … And his number …. And a few other changes .... No, no problem at all. Thank you.


  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,127MI6 Agent

    I'm a fan of big boots 😊

  • caractacus pottscaractacus potts Orbital communicator, level 10Posts: 2,413MI6 Agent

    is there a story behind why Bond isnt wearing a helmet on the cover of the novelization?

    Wood explains why he's outside the space station but never mentions the lack of helmet clearly visible in the picture. Though it does confirm he was wearing a tux even if that wasnt seen in the movie. Perhaps the images within the movie are less definitive than the posters or the novelization cover?


  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    😁😁😁 Wouldn't it be funny if that were the case, though?

    I'm using the name "Bob" as a generalisation for the various poster artists, as a tribute to the late Robert McGinnis who was behind many of them.

  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent

    1969. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.

    Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film... yes, it's coming along fine, one of our best I think! Frank and I have George in a classic Bond pose wearing black tie, and Diana in a low-cut minidress, both on skis; I've got Blofeld in his bobsleigh firing at them; I've got helicopters raiding Piz Gloria; and guards galore firing sub-machine guns. You're going to love it! ... 


    ... What's that Mr Broccoli? ... he's what? ... so soon?.... and you want me to... Yves who? ... yes I'll hold off for a bit.... no problem sir. (He hangs up, and immediately dials another number).

    Bob: Frank, some photographer named Yves is now involved... we need to hold off for a bit, you'll never believe the conversation George had with Cubby.... yes, this never happened with the other feller... 


    (I'm sure we all know the story, but if not: http://007magazine.co.uk/factfiles/factfiles_paperbacks_ohmss_photoshoots.htm)

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent
    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent

    I should just add that Barbel had a funnier idea for the OHMSS poster but I managed to miss it in my haste to post something while the muse, for the first time in a while, was whispering in my ear...

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    😁😁😁 And I see you're using the actual names, too. 👍👍👍

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    1967. Office of Charles K. Feldman.


    Secretary: (On intercom.) Your call is ready, Mr Feldman.

    Feldman: Thank you, Miss Goodthighs.

    (He picks up the phone.)

    Feldman: Hello, Bob? … Hi, listen, this is Charlie Feldman … No, Charlie Feldman, not Marty … Anyway, I have a job for you if you’re interested … Well, it’s a James Bond poster. I believe that you’re the …. No, Harry and Cubby are fine as far as I know (Sighs.) … This one is called “Casino Royale” … Well, technically it’s David Niven …

    No, no, not like that- Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, Ursula Andress are all Bond as well … Yes, really … No, I don’t expect you to have all their faces on the poster- in fact, I don’t want any faces at all! … Well, what I see is a girl, naked but covered in paint … What? Well, I hadn’t thought of gold paint but now that you mention it … Oh, I see, that’s been done. Oh well … It’s the sixties, we’re all psychedelic and groovy, baby- er, Bobby … Yes, cover her in psychedelic images, that’s right … No, from the back of course, we don’t want to get into any bother with the censor … Well, no, I hadn’t asked them … I don’t suppose Cubby and Harry would mind …

    Secretary: (On intercom.) Mr Sellers is on line two, sir, he wants to speak to you immediately.

    Feldman: (Sighs again.) Very well. Bob, listen, I’ll get back to you but just you start going to work on that, okay …. Peter, baby, what can I do for you?

  • caractacus pottscaractacus potts Orbital communicator, level 10Posts: 2,413MI6 Agent
    edited September 2

    Charmed & Dangerous said:


    That's astounding, I did not know about this American poster obscuring Bond's face and leaving out Lazenby's name. I think it really doesn't work, and betrays a lack of confidence in their new film at a time when spymania was already waning.

    That 007magazine website is incredible: how did he get access to all those graphics? I'd already figured it was the best source of info on the PAN paperback artwork, but never found this article with the OHMSS photoshoots before.

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    caractacus, the man behind this is called Graham Rye and here's our interview with him: AJB Interview with Graham Rye — ajb007

    He's been doing this for a long, long time and has connections and sources he may not be willing to divulge.

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    2012. Eon Productions, Publicity Department.


    Bob Jr: (On Phone.) Yes, Mr Wilson …. Of course ….. Make him the main feature of the poster … Not like last time …. In fact, I was thinking of just having him alone …. Yes, I think so … Oh, yes, very modern and eye-catching … If you give me a couple of days, I’ll send you a rough version … All right, bye Mr Wilson.

    Frank Jr: You’ve just agreed to send him a poster in a couple of days?

    Bob Jr: Not quite…

    (Sits at keyboard and bangs something out in about thirty seconds.)


    Frank Jr: That’ll be good enough.

    Bob Jr: Yeah. (Looks at watch.) Come on, the pub’s open in ten minutes.

  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,127MI6 Agent

    I could say the writers are becoming poster boys for humor, but that would just show why they're better at this than I am. 🤓

  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent

    Written by Barbel, Gymkata and C&D.


    1983. Eon Productions, Publicity Department. A phone rings.

    Bob: Ah hello again, Mr Broccoli, how are you? ... Yes sir, very much looking forward to the new film, and I believe the public will lap up the 'official' Bond this year... 

    A few changes? No problem... Oh... Exactly how many arms do you want her to have, Mr Broccoli? ... She definitely only had two the last time I painted her, for "The Man With The Golden Gun", and you didn't complain then... (He pauses to pour a large Scotch)

    Yes she's definitely doing up that button, Mr Broccoli... No Mr Broccoli, she's definitely screwing on the silencer, I think that's all that's implied there.... Roger's legs? ... yes they do kind of... no, I know there's a circus in the movie, but I'm not trying to imply he's on stilts... (He pauses to sip his Scotch) 

    (Two months later. The phones rings again).

    Bob: Hello? ... Yes Mr Broccoli, I did receive a call from Lairs Incorporated, I assumed you gave them my number... yes, that's definitely a good likeness of the photo they sent me of their man Pradeep ... no I'm afraid I don't get the in-joke either... Oh, I thought you said a circular STRAW! ... Yes, I thought it was strange, too... (now positively gluggng back the Scotch)

    ...Yes Mr Broccoli, I do know some leftover white space on either side... yes I guess I could throw a tiger in there or something else Indian... a casino? An Indian casino? ... yes I'm aware they have them in America... but aren't they American Indian casinos, Native American? ... yes Mr Broccoli, will do, I know Bond always goes to a casino...

    Kristina Wayborn needs bigger boots for the Norwegian version, Mr Broccoli? But she isn't wearing ... oh sorry, I hear you now... yes, it's still the same old phone I was using back in '73... Ok thanks Mr Broccoli, will do, bye now.

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent
    edited September 3

    Good point! 😂😂😂 The modern posters are way too minimalist for my liking too ...

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    C&D is too modest here- I only came up with a few suggestions.


    While looking online at various Bond posters, I was reminded that back in the 70s the Bond movies were sometimes on double bills with non-Bond movies. This one made reasonable sense-

    And this one less so-

    (Though that was the most Bondlike of the Panthers). And then I came across this-

    I was startled. Of all the films to pair with James Bond, someone thought "Mary Poppins" would be a good choice??? However, on closer examination it turned out that the two movies would be alternating rather than paired. Still, it's a weird combination!

  • CoolHandBondCoolHandBond Mactan IslandPosts: 4,041MI6 Agent

    Bond films were also paired with Clint Eastwood westerns quite a lot.

    Great posts, guys, by the way 😁

    Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    Thanks, CHB! 😁

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    1983. “Hollywood Hair House, Wig Suppliers To The Rich And Famous”


    Timmy: Quiet day, Charlie.

    Charlie: Indeed, nothing happening today.

    (The door opens and a familiar figure enters.)

    Timmy: Hello again, Mr Connery.

    Sean: Hello there, Timmy. Nice to shee you.

    Charlie: Got another film then, Mr Connery?

    Sean: Shertainly do, another Jamesh Bond movie.

    Timmy: Another one? I thought you were finished with all that.

    Sean: Yesh, well, sho did I. I’ll be needing another one of your finesht itemsh.

    Charlie: No problem, sir. Perhaps this one here, from your last Bond film “Diamonds Are Forever”?

    Sean: I think not, nobody liked that one.

    Timmy: Then how about a classic, this one from “Goldfinger”?

    Sean: I don’t think I could pull that off any more, that wash twenty yearsh ago.

    Charlie: The “Zardoz” special?

    Sean: Pleashe, be sherioush.

    Timmy: The “Murder On The Orient Express” look?

    Sean: Too ageing.

    Charlie: This white brush, perfect with a neatly trimmed beard?

    Sean: Not yet, but maybe shomeday if I’m ever in a shubmarine.

    Timmy: Then how about this one here, as if a dead possum has fallen from out of a tree upon your head?

    Sean: Perfect! I’ll take it now!

    (Sean pays for the item.)

    Timmy: Thank you very much, Mr Connery.

    Sean: No problem.

    Charlie: See you again, sir.

    (Sean leaves.)

    Charlie: I don’t know why you’re so nice to him, he’s very fussy.

    Timmy: Quiet! He’s our best customer! Don't let him hear you, or there'll be hell toupee...

  • caractacus pottscaractacus potts Orbital communicator, level 10Posts: 2,413MI6 Agent

    Sean Connery's authentic-sounding dialog reminds me...

    (I just watched the Get Smart episode the other day where he meets The Craw, that's what's got me thinking)

    ...do you think perhaps Connery's first name is maybe something more like "Son", and we've been pronouncing it wrong all these years because nobody can understand him?

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    Definitely not! His first name is "Thomas". 😈😈😈

  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent

    😂😂😂 good to see the return of those two industrious gents, Charlie and Timmy!

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff
    edited September 5

    Written by C & D & me.


    1967. Eon Productions, on a yacht off Gibraltar.


    Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line. Something I need to ask- why is Sean upside down?

    Cubby: Whaddya mean, Harry?

    Harry: He's wearing a tux and he's walking on the rungs of a ladder... upside down.

    Cubby: Well, I like it.

    Harry: Looking at it gives me...

    Cubby: What, Harry?

    Harry: A pain in the neck.

    Cubby: (Under his breath) I know what that's like...



    Eon Productions, Publicity Department. The telephone rings.

    Bob: Hello…..Ah, hello Mr Saltzman….Yes, how do you like it? …. Your name’s missing? …. If you look carefully, you’ll see that it says “Presented By Albert R. Broccoli & Harry Saltzman” below the title … Yes, I know we usually put that first but you told me that you specifically wanted it to say “Sean Connery IS James Bond”, and it would look silly having your names presenting that … Well, of course I could change it to “Sean Connery as James Bond” and put your names back above that … I see, you want it that way because there’s another James Bond movie this year … Yes, I think I’ve heard about it, er, somewhere. (Whistles nonchalantly.)


    A week later.

    Harry: Cubby, get Bob on the line again. Something I need to ask. 

    Cubby: Ok, Harry. (Cubby reaches for the phone and starts dialling.) What is it this time?

    Harry: I understand now why he's walking on the rungs of a ladder, upside down.

    Cubby: It's called 'artistic licence', Harry.

    Harry: What I want to know is...

    Cubby: What, Harry?

    Harry: Why's it look like he's about to get a rocket up his ass?

    Cubby: (Under his breath.) I know someone who needs one of those...

  • Number24Number24 NorwayPosts: 18,127MI6 Agent

    In an otherwise quiet forum this thread is a side-splitting ray of light 😂

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    Thank you, N24. 😘

  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    1989. Eon HQ, Writers Department. Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson work on the script for “Licence To Kill”.


    MGW: We can’t just have James and Felix at the wedding, they’ve got to have another friend there or it’ll look very one-sided, all Della’s friends and family.

    Richard: The two girls from “The Living Daylights”?

    MGW: We didn’t even give them names, no-one will remember them.

    Richard: Captain Dexter from “Live And Let Die”?

    MGW: He’s in the book, all right, but he didn’t make it to the movie.

    Richard: Mathis, of course- Rene Mathis. We should use him, Michael.

    MGW: But we haven’t used him in a film so far.

    Richard: Then there’s only one way to go- Quarrel!

    MGW: Richard, we killed Quarrel way back in “Dr No”!!!

    Richard: Yes, but then we had Quarrel Jr in “Live And Let Die”.

    MGW: You’re right- Quarrel Jr is a friend of both Felix and James, it’s totally logical that he would be at Felix’s wedding.

    Richard: Right, then…

    (He starts typing.)

    MGW: Wait one moment, Richard.

    Richard: What?

    MGW: You know that this character, Quarrel the fisherman, is going to be a sacrificial lamb- he gets killed and James gets all emotional about it, like Timothy said he wanted?

    Richard: Well, yes.

    MGW: The original Quarrel was killed in “Dr No”- everyone remembers that. Quarrel Jr didn’t die in “Live And Let Die”- nobody remembers that!

    Richard: So…?

    MGW: We just change the name! We keep the character but change the name to…

    Richard: Fishy?

    MGW: Sharkey!!!

    Richard: Brilliant! We present him as a brand-new character called “Sharkey” and nobody will notice the similarities to Quarrel- or Quarrel Jr.

    MGW: Exactly. He gets killed, angering James, and nobody notices that he’s based on Quarrel.

    Richard: Let’s do it!

  • Charmed & DangerousCharmed & Dangerous Posts: 7,218MI6 Agent

    😆😆😆 Now that's probably closer to the truth than you'd think!

    "How was your lamb?" "Skewered. One sympathises."
  • BarbelBarbel ScotlandPosts: 31,542Chief of Staff

    From Gymkata, Charmed & Dangerous, and myself.


    1965

    Nassau News

    Woman found dead in nightclub


    The body of an unknown woman was found last night in the Kiss-Kiss club during the Junkanoo.

    "I don't know how it happened", said a woman at the table where the body was found. “I was watching the band and marvelling at the fact that guitars and bongos were able to somehow produce the sound of a full brass band. Seriously, where was the horn section? Were they behind the stage? Were there speakers hidden behind the guitarist that I couldn't see that were piping in a recording? I mean, it's not like they were fooling anyone. My Yelp review will not be positive, I can tell you that much. Anyways, I was watching the band and then boom, there she was... just sitting there, dead.”

    We interviewed Miss Hartford, a woman earlier seen dancing with the man believed to have deposited the body at the table, who said "To be honest I didn't see much. I was dancing with this man. He was tall, and he was dark, suave and smooth, fast and cool. You couldn't miss him, he was the only guy wearing a suit on the whole island. I thought at first it was his wife who tapped him on the shoulder, but after dancing with him she collapsed onto a chair. He kind of had that effect on me too! Then he left, and ….

    (Continued on Page 6)

    ------------------------------------------------

    In Other News:

    Governor "not very happy" about power blackout all over island- Page 3

    Several parade marchers injured after slipping on "canine urine"- Page 4

    Miss Hartford to take up residency at The One & Only Club and learn to play poker- Page 5

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